The Holidays

The last ball has been snapped and the last Gatorade of the regular season has been drunken. My last Gatorade of the regular season had vodka in it…and based on the second half of the Texas game against Baylor, I’m wondering if Blake Gideon’s did also.

I’m not saying it’s Blake’s fault at all. He just seems like the kind of guy that likes vodka.

As I predicted way in the early days of the season, we lost to Baylor. It wasn’t a big shocker or anything, but it was a little disappointing…especially considering that the ‘Horns seemed to really come out to play in that first half. But, alas, we did not pull it together.

At least we made RGIII look good enough that he was able to bring the Heisman back to the Big XII. On that topic, it would have been pretty upsetting if he hadn’t had won. You can’t tell me that any other player was more valuable to his team this season…not without me thinking that you’re a biased fibber, anyway. I will say the best thing about watching the Heisman ceremony this year was that no Sooners were among the nominees, so I didn’t have to listen to Billy Sims shout out “Boomer” intermittently throughout the evening, thus cementing my inkling that many Oklahoma fans only know three words: Boomer, Sooner and Oklahoma.

This reminds me of a weekend a few years back. Debra, Kacie had gone with our friend “Shotski” to Oklahoma to visit her mom’s lake house. We were also celebrating Shotski’s mom’s engagement that weekend. After a day on the lake, we ended up going out to a few of the local bars to drink lots of shots and sing karaoke. While at the karaoke bar, we encountered this fellow:

Bless his heart, there are so many things wrong with this picture…you may not be able to tell he’s only wearing one shoe. In his defense, we had brought the blow up doll. This is the kind of guy I imagine screaming “Boomer” at some inappropriate place…like during the swearing in of a politician or a funeral.

But, back to the season…The ‘Horns are headed off to the Holiday Bowl, which is a bowl at least. Maybe Major Applewhite will get that old Holiday Bowl feeling and make some magic happen.

As for the BCS Championship game, I probably won’t watch it. I’ve already seen that game and it wasn’t all that great the first time around. While I’m not against a rematch game as the title game, I do think Oklahoma State was robbed by not being selected. I almost get the feeling that it was decided long before OSU thrashed OU. I do think that Mike Gundy is going to go all “I’m a man!” on Paul Rhoads if he ever happens upon him in a bar. Damn the birds with teeth! The Cowboys were just one tornadic event away from the big game and I understand that pain and feel bad for them.

In other bowls…TCU did manage to squeak out a win against WAC Powerhouse Louisiana Tech in the Poinsettia Bowl. Not that I’m making fun – in fact, I’m surprised Sonny Dykes wasn’t snapped up to a more high profile coaching position with all the shake-ups this season. I think he’s done a great job. My not-so favorite coach Gary Patterson, I noticed did for once give his team some ‘positive’ credit after the win. "They found a way to win," Patterson said.

Wow, coach. Those are words you can really take to heart. Hopefully no one let’s their cats eat the poinsettias.

Big props to the NCAA for handing out a pretty stout punishment to Ohio State – no post season in 2012 and the loss of three scholarships for the next three years. Not quite the backhanding USC got, but not the slap on the wrist that I think Ohio State (and Urban Meyer) were expecting. Of course, when things get tough, Meyer will just retire for health reasons again…until the next head coaching job of his dreams comes up.

As for me, I’m ready for Christmas! I love this time of year. Family, food, presents and most importantly…sleep. Between wrapping up deadlines and work and finally catching this bug that’s been flitting around my office for the last two months, I’m planning to sleep for a good 78% of my holiday time off. The “Three Holiday B’s” (that’s Benadryl, Bailey’s and Blankie) are already packed in my car as I anxiously await the work day to end.

Side note: I had finally had it with this bug and decided to go to the doctor. They were pretty sure I had a cold, the flu, a sinus infection and the bubonic plague, so I was subsequently given Tami flu, antibiotics, codeine cough syrup and a steroid shot. The cute male RN came in to administer the shot and said without preamble “I’m Beau. I’m here to give you a shot. Please unbutton your pants and lay on your side, facing me.” Uh, what Beau…no dinner first? Not even a shot of that codeine cough syrup?” I obliged (not because I’m easy, so much, as that I was really sick) and Beau walked me through the administration of the shot. “I’m going to put it right here, at just the tip of your Come and Take It star. I have to say, despite the fact that he was pumping me full of steroids, Beau might be my new hero for 1) recognizing the Come and Take It canon, which has been lovingly tattooed in that general area and 2) managing to say ‘just the tip’ in an uncomfortable situation and not make me feel more uncomfortable. Beau has the magic touch. I had barely made it from the doctor’s office to the pharmacy to my bed before I passed out like the dead for roughly 13 hours.

Let’s just say I would not have survived very long in the olden days.

Aaaand, on that note…from all of us here at Adventures of a Football Girl (and by all of us, I mean me and my multiple personalities), may your Holidays be filled with “The Three Holiday B’s” and your bellies filled with ham, fudge, cookies shaped like snowmen and Manischewitz.

The Sock Monkey Hat

Debra gave me a sock monkey hat for Christmas at lunchtime yesterday.

I’ve been wearing it at my desk in the office for the last two days.   Strangely, no one seems to think this is all that strange.

I think this may be a comment on my personality.

And not a good one.

The Band Director

I’ve done my share of stalkerish, weird crazy things to famous and quasi-famous people. And when I say I’ve done strange stuff, I’m not talking “can I have your autograph?” or “can I take a picture with you?” I mean unusual. Yet, never has one person seemed more scared of me than Dr. Robert Carnochan, University of Texas Band Director, on Thanksgiving night.

Dr. Carnochan should feel lucky. I mean, all I wanted was a picture. And to declare that he’s my favorite. And to tell him that I blog about him. But only that one time and not in a creepy way.

I mean, I didn’t do to him like I did Sandra Bullock that time. See…back in college, Sandra Bullock was producing/directing/starring in Miss Congeniality 2. I wanted to work on the movie, like on the crew, so I sent in a rather…unusual resume. Basically it was a bunch of charts and graphs displaying why I would be fabulous for her crew. Then, I made a CD with soothing music over which I dubbed things like “Beth Burke would make a fine addition to your production staff” and “Beth Burke is a hard worker.” Then I made a label calling the CD “Subliminal Messages” which I then crossed out and relabeled “Sleeping Music.” It was amazing. Of course, I never heard from Sandy. And I’ve never been a fine member of her production staff.

Then there’s the instance of Owen Wilson. One night whilst drinking at The Loon in Dallas, I walked out of the bathroom and turned a sharp corner at which point I literally smacked faces with this blonde brother. We are pretty much exactly the same height (which I’m sure is not surprising to anyone) so for all practical purposes, we smacked heads concussion style…both of us managing to preserve the heavily poured libations we carried. I still take credit for breaking his nose. Anyhoo. Later, I was standing in a sort of gauntlet area of the bar, at which Don Nelson and Owen Wilson stood on opposite ends. Knowing that two local Dallas celebs can’t be in the same place without being big buddies, I held my ground knowing I would get another brush with fame. When Owen made his way through the gauntlet, I suddenly became the most awesome and amazing girl in the room…because he stopped. Then he turned and spoke to me. “You be careful now, alright?” he said in a teasing scold. I nodded mutely. He turned to walk by and I stopped him. I held out my hand and touched his elbow. “WAIT!” I yelled. He stopped, turned back and looked me square in the face. “I loved you in The Cable Guy!” I blurted out tactlessly. A shadow crossed his face. Not quite anger, but something. All movement and speaking in the room stopped. It was like in an episode of “Saved By the Bell” when Zack Morris would do a time-out and everyone would freeze. (Let me explain for an instant here – Kacie and I have always sworn we would play the game “I loved you in” when we met a celebrity. You know, where you tell a famous person you “loved them in” the most obscure movie they were in, as a way to kind of insult them…? This was the first celebrity I’d run in to since we made this pact. And indeed, he was in The Cable Guy.  For about three minutes. Poor Owen must have been confused…Wedding Crashers had just come out and he was riding the fame wave and dating Kate Hudson.) Owen handled it pretty well, and all activity in the bar resumed shortly after he answered me with a “That’s pretty cool. No one’s ever done that before.” He walked away and I hightailed it out of the bar, being sure to go out on top.

So there’s two kind of scary things I’ve done. There are more. I also stalked Major Applewhite through the majority of his college career. Luckily he didn’t remember me last August when I saw him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten this awesome picture:

Now, as I’ve blogged before, I’m a big fan of this Dr. Robert Carnochan character. He’s like this bad-ass band director, just playing whenever and whatever he wants. For two straight trips to Mizzou, he enraged the Tiger crowd by playing over their beloved waltzes and fight songs with an evil little smirk and a shoulder shrug. Kacie, Debra and I love him.

So when we got to our seats at Kyle Field and realized that we were right next to the band, I took the opportunity to drag the girls over to where he stood on his little ladder and insist they take pictures of him and me.

“Sir!” I yelled to him on his perch. “Will you take a picture with me?” He looked at me strangely, and I realized that probably people not associated with the band or program probably don’t usually ask him for pictures. I didn’t care. He agreed and began to make his way over to us while I blathered on. “You’re such a bad-ass! You’re my favorite! I think you’re awesome!” he looked at me calmly until the kicker “I blogged about you last week.”

Dr. Cornochan tried not to look scared when he said “That’s….creepy. But okay!”

What a good sport. We posed for our picture and thanked him. His smile only wavered slightly as when we walked away Debra did a turnaround and added “We loved what you did in Missouri!”

Hey, it's good to have fans!

The Game

A little time has passed since the Texas / Texas A&M game this Thanksgiving.  As I predicted, it was a battle of mediocre giants...fueled with highly charged emotions and bitter feelings.

There were a ton of small moments that made the game a memorable and wonderful one.  Aside from the overt happiness of winning, here are some highlights from the day.

Early on in the day, I had a feeling it would be great.  How did I know?  Because somewhere outside of College Station, Debra was loosely accused of shoplifting at a gas station.  Of course, it was a complete misunderstanding, but Kacie and I were not helpful, and as the forgetful/skeptical employees questioned Debra about if she was planning to pay for her treasures (cowboy hat, Santa Clause belly ring...) we both yelled "THIEF" in unison.  Heh.  Still, what you expect when you're a rival in College Station?  Especially a ....

... Longhorn.  About an hour into the tailgate, a trailer pulled up with a Longhorn inside.  After a few initial moments of EXCITEMENT, we noticed the trailer and car were all A&M'd out.  It was then that as a group, we felt fear.  And anger.  We immediately assumed that these Aggies were going to either brand the poor fellow or, even worse, saw it's horns off right there in the parking lot.   We could not let this happen, and wandered over to said Aggies and bovine to find out the scoop.  Turns out it was just an Aggie and his pet Longhorn, Bullwinkle. MLIA.  Bullwinkle was a sweet guy, letting people sit on his saddle for pictures.  While posing for my picture (I chose to stand next to him), Bullwinkle kept turning his head away.  After a few futile attempts to get his attention camera-side, Bullwinkle's wrangler (probably a 12 year old kid) told me, "oh, just pull on his horn."  Oh, honey. In an effort to help this kid later in life, I explained to him that this is NEVER okay to say.  Much less do.  Aside from some decorations, Bullwinkle was not subjected to anything that would land him at ....

.... McDonald's.  Particularly the McDonald's in College Station.  The poor, open, one-worker McDonald's, where we spent, I'm not kidding you, at least 45 minutes in the drive thru line.  Happy Thanksgiving to you, overwhelmed/overworked McEmployee.  After ordering an insane amount of food, Debra insisted that she also receive her Coca-Cola holiday glasses.  I kind of felt bad for him until we realized he didn't bother to give us enough straws.  Luckily, Debra keeps 3 foot long straws in her car, and Kacie had scissors.  After settling in for a sleepless night at America's Best Value Inn, we merrily consumed our McMeals, including McHoliday ...

.... Pies.  And turkey and all the fixins'.  I was so surprised when we pulled up to the tailgate and the whole crew was there!  We'd had some doubts, after the last terrible game at home, as to weather the CATI crew would come out, but they were there in full force with a Thanksgiving feast.  It was such a nice time with the peeps, enjoying gobbly goods and playing flip cup.  It was the perfect pre-cursor to the perfect ...

... win.  Yes, I know, I've gone on and on about how both teams were mediocre, but a win is a win.  Especially a win at Kyle Field.  Especially a win at the last Lone Star Showdown as we know it.  Especially a win that the Aggies wanted SO VERY BADLY.  I secretly felt that the Aggies were doomed from the start, as they were all wearing shirts with the date on them.  This is bad luck, as we learned the hard way at the Ohio State game in Austin a few years back.  There were a variety of shirts, some of them were amusing.  One was very confusing:  on the back it said "Texas isn't big enough for the two of us."  Wait - what?  Is one of the schools LEAVING TEXAS?!  This is new and geographically disturbing news.  Despite Aggie confusion over the difference between a STATE and a CONFERENCE, overall we were in good company.  No fights broke out in our section, even after that glorious field goal soared through for the win.  As I stood in silent exhilaration, most Ags chose not to yell obscenities at me.  Though there was a lot of ....

... hissing.  What is that all about?!  When I asked on Aggie in my section what was up with the hissing, he went into this long explanation about how they were like rattlesnakes who were mad and hissed.  This was followed with "We don't boo, we hiss."  Hmm.  If this is the case, isn't hissing just the same as booing?  I don't understand.  I suppose normally when the Texas band exits the field, the Aggies hiss at them.  Of course, this year, after Texas played "Thanks For The Memories" while handing over the A&M Big XII flag, and A&M made a giant Bevo on the field and then proceeded to "saw it's 'Horns off", the Ags would have looked even jack-assier had they done so.  "That wasssssss a nice show."  Of course, hissing was abound after the game, mostly aimed at the ...

... referees have had a tough season in the Big XII.  Of course, the Ags are certain the refs had it out for them and rigged the game.  Now, I'll agree...there were some bad calls.  And I felt like there were bad calls on both sides of he ball.  I get it....I can feel the Aggie pain, But I also wasn't too upset about it.  The two Texas games prior to A&M were also riddled with bad calls, mostly on us.  So while I acknowledge it sucks, I don't feel to sad for them.  I also don't think that game (or the two prior I just mentioned) was decided by calls.  That rarely happens.  Unless you're Nebraska.  At least the Ags had something to grumble about as they left ...

... Kyle Field is an interesting stadium.  It has four entrances and four bathrooms.  The poorly designed tunnels have staircases that lead directly into concession stands.  Also, you have to enter and exit the stadium though what I refer to as the Aggie Rape Tunnel.  Once you exit the Aggie Rape Tunnel, you are immediately stopped by the police, as the Aggie Rape Tunnel exits directly into the only exit of the parking  garage.  Not logistically smart.  All I know is I didn't pee for about seven hours, because I didn't have eight hours to wait in line to pee.  Another strange thing about Kyle Field is that you can just go out on the field after the game.  In fact, sometimes to get to your seat, you are forced to walk on the field.  Very bizarre.  Regardless, as promised, the CATI crew met on the 50 for a celebratory picture.   What you may not know, is that after the picture, Debra, in an effort to take a little Kyle Field Magic home with her, squatted down to take a little grass from the field.  In doing this, she stopped immediately in the route of a kid who was playing catch with his dad.  I didn't see the actual tackle, but I turned around and Debra was sprawled out on the field on top of a little boy.  I immediately did a 360, looking for Chris Hansen.  When neither he or Sandusky were in sight, I turned back to the scene.  Debra had gotten herself up and was towering over said boy-holding-football.  When he just stared at her, she got crazy eyes and yelled "CHILD!" before boy-holding-football's father intervened and apologized. It was about 90 seconds of hilarity that can never be reproduced.

As you can see...a successful trip.  Too bad it wasn't the last game of the season....because I'm tired of losing to Baylor.  But of course, that's a different Adventure.

The Troll

I couldn't help myself.  After a glass (bottle, whatever) of wine, I was bored with re-reading the Texas over A&M glory articles on the major sports sites so I started reading message boards and comment threads on some Longhorn Football blog sites I visit from time to time.

This, of course, led me (out of some morbid curiosity) to move on to some A&M fan sites. 

Before we get started here, Urban Dictionary defines Trolling as:

Posting a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument

In my defense, I was merely an observer of these threads, not a Troll.  Still, I felt dirty and had to work VERY hard to control myself in order to simply remain an observer.  I decided that instead of trolling, I will share some of my favorite posts here on Adventures of a Football Girl: where the posters cannot defend themselves and I get to moderate the comments.  Forever Scoreboard!!

How can you love this face? Wait - I mean: "How
can you NOT love this face?"

Side note: Remember that movie Troll?  Not. Good.  This troll builds a troll garden-thing in the basement of an apartment complex, then posing as a little girl and using a ring of some sort turns the residents into trolls.  As terrible as the movie was, it lurks somewhere in the back of my mind on my list of "irrational property manager fears" along with face-poking tenants and birds flying into transformers.

Side-side note:  When I was a kid I had dozens of those troll dolls.  I loved them.  Looking back, I think I was jealous of those round little butts on some psychic level as a kid, like I somehow knew that as an adult I would lack my own. 

Anyway.  I have to give one thing to the Aggies I stalked through message boards.  They think their team is the best and they are proud of it.  The Texas fansites I visit can be posting minutes after a game and still be dogging our players and coaches, nit-picking all of the mistakes we made and/or could have made.  Often proclaiming that we shouldn't have won or won in spite of ourselves.

Not the best quality in a fan, but still better that pure dellusion.

Here are some of my favorite posts - and the comments I refrained from making.  Also note that any confusing words with random punctuation in them were likely phrased that way by me.  So I wouldn't get flagged by the department of Hom3land Sec#rity or PETA or something:

"tsips think a fluke win makes them relevant to us?  poor irrelevant and unwanted teasips." 

You are a marvel of punctuation!  There may be some that don't want us, but it's clearly not you, since you've devoted a message board thread to us.  Also, what (or who) determines what makes a win a fluke?  Precision between the goal posts?  A fifth 2nd half meltdown?  The top defense in the Big XII?  76-37-5 (67%)?  I feel like those things aren't flukes.

"Winning on Thanksgiving was the ultimate "Look at Me!" for the tsips. Now they are operating under the mistaken notion that we respect them, or want to read their posts, or will stop the relentless ridicule of them, their butter-toothed coach, their worthless NFL players, their butthead AD or their horrific, anti-Am3rican, anti-Christ!an, pro-t3rrorism agenda."

Uh...Those are some pretty strong accusations, Aggie.  Let's pull the focus back to the game...

"Clearly, the rare win has inspired the [sic], who now feel emboldened to seek our attention. Poor ga4, t3rrorism-loving, Plan II rac!sts."

Hmm.  Again, 67% isn't really 'rare', but I understand this Ag is upset.  But the rest?  Come on now.  I'm fairly certain there were more non-white people at my pre-game tailgate than in the entire A&M core.  I find it especially ironic that this ignorant post was for some reason directed at the Texas Honor Student population.  Weird.

"Congrats on having a losing record to A&M during your lifetime."

Huh?  I hate to admit this, but in my lifetime the series is tied at 16-16.  So...you must have been talking to someone else.

"One of these days the Longhorns are going to open a case on the Wildcats and this looks like a good time to do so, with literally dozens watching on the Longhorn Network."

Heh.  Okay, that was funny. 

"literally everyone in the college football world, including Vegas, ESPN, all the way down to your own city's newspaper knows A&M is the better team. If you've watched these teams all year and really believe that Texas is a better team than A&M, you're so delusional it's not worth arguing over."

Oh my gosh...is that you Matt Leinart? I think maybe this guy doesn't literally know the definition of literally.  I'm not sure how you can define either team as "better" since this year they were both mediocre at best.  Better pre-season rank?  A&M.  Better current rank? Texas.  Better record? Texas. Actual game winner? Texas. 

"If the Ags would have had Von this year, theyd have 11 wins right now. That is all they lacked. A defensive leader to prevent his team from 3rd quarter collapses." 

Yeah, I hear ya, Aggie Brother.  If we had VY or Colt back, or Fozzy for that matter, we would probably have 11 wins too.  But we don't.  So we'll settle for 7-4 (as of posting) and a win over you.

"You're an absolute moron, craving validation and trying to point to our dismal BOWL record. Unless the bowl is a big-time bowl, who f'n cares?"

Wait.  What?

"A Longhorn trying to minimize their record against A&M? I wonder why?"

Wait.  What?  I'm pretty sure we don't need to minimize our record, since we have more wins...and what's the deal with Aggies always trying to start the Texas/Texas A&M rivalry in 1974 - when the corp became co-ed?  Is that also the year the football team became un-coed?  Because that's the only reason I'm willing change the date of when the series began.

"...be honest, Texas fans: you are really happy with TCU and West Virginia? Really?"

Um, I'm not, but...YOU LEFT THE CONFERENCE.  We had spots to fill.  What's the beef?

"Misspelling Aggie in a way that still works phonetically is stupid. It's like calling someone "Jon" instead of "John." No difference." 

Okay, now really?  Pot, or kettle?  t.u.? Incorrect casing and reverse letter ordering is different?  C'mon.

"You've been an underdog the last couple games we've played, and your team is in terrible shape. Your program isn't even approaching anything close to "2008" level for quite a while, buddy. Our program is in much better shape than yours is. Point to the gift-wrapped game on T-Day all you want, but we all know the reality. The last thing you need is to play teams that are better than you by an even greater margin than we already are."

Bwah hahaha!  The last thing YOU need is to play teams better than you by an even greater margin than all but three teams in your current conference are.  2008?  Did he forget 2009, when we went to the BCS Championship game and won more games than in 2008? Since the Big XII started in 1996, A&M has had four season with 9+ wins, Texas has had 12.  A&M has had one 10+ win season in that time frame, Texas has had nine. I don't think a coach out the door (well, he would be if you could afford the $7 million dollar payout) after blowing double digit halftime leads in almost half your games puts your program in better shape than ours.   Aside from the head to head, and barring a loss to Baylor Saturday, Texas & A&M have lost to the exact same conference teams.  Does it make you feel better that "underdogs" beat you?  I don't understand that logic. 

Well, that was fun.  I had to 1) stop reading that stuff and 2) stop reading that stuff. 

With all this in mind, I guess I can't fault them.  Universtiy employees have basically condoned the name calling.  Bear in mind, this is the same message board where the A&M Athletics Department CFO, Jeff Toole, has called A&M President Bowen Loftin a "putz" and a "hopelessly underqualified puppet" under an annonymous handle.  Maybe not so annonymous anymore, he was outed by a fellow Aggie who researched Toole's post history until he found one from over a year ago where Toole had stated he was the "CFO of A&M Athletics"  Oh, Toole...honey.  Don't you know nothing is secret on the interwebs?   

(By the way: crazy researching message board guy, I applaud you!  That's Bird Dog-level searching.  We might have been soul mates...if you weren't an Aggie...) 

Still, I couldn't sum it up any better than Toole himself, when on the subject of coach Mike Sherman’s contract he posted, “I have to admit that the stupidity on this board always brings me back to the point that I know I’m not the dumbest (expletive) out there.”  Well Jeff, I'm not so sure.  

Clap.....clap....clap...clap..clapclapclap








 

The T-Shirt Fan: Addendum A

I decorated my Christmas Tree last weekend.  After rooting through my Christmas stuff I realized I need to amend my list of UT paraphenilia to include the following verse:

5 Texas Snowmen

4 Longhorn Ornaments

3 Burnt Orange Santa hats 

2 Texas Stockings

...and a Bevo underneath the tree.

The Ellipses . . .

The turkey has been eaten, my tree has been decorated and the final Lone Star Showdown (as we know it) has come and gone. And after 118 years, Texas and Texas A&M have said goodbye to their Thanksgiving, cross-state rivalry as Texas A&M moves on to the SEC, and Texas fills their spot on the schedule with a new Big XII team.

Tonight (as I sit down with a mug of cider - spiked, naturally - and a comfy burnt orange blanket) is not the night to talk about hurt feelings, politics or finger pointing about who’s leaving and why. Tonight I will take a break from all of that and just remember the rivalry at it’s finest. What memories have I taken away from the annual Texas / Texas A&M game? What stories will I tell my own children some day?

Going back in time the furthest, I remember sitting with my sister on my Great Grandmother’s living room floor, stuffed with turkey, watching the game with my Dan Dan’s family.

A few years later, my Mom, Dad, Sister and I huddled together on our couch in England, sometime in mid-December, watching a VHS recording of the game my Mom’s parents had sent to us. A little bit of home while we lived overseas.

Of course, how can I forget 1998? Will the defining moment of the series be when Ricky broke the record on the 20 yard line that fateful November day? Standing in the crowd with my family and 80,000 of our closest friends as the Heisman race narrowed further?

Maybe I’ll remember the candlelight vigil that Texas students held just one year later, in place of the annual Hex-Rally, to pay respects to the 12 people who died in the Aggie Bonfire collapse, or the University of Texas band removing their white cowboy hats in honor of the fallen, as they played Amazing Grace and Taps.

Of course, how can I ever forget last Thursday? Posing for a picture on the 50 yard line at Kyle Field, with my tailgate friends, elated, after a last second Texas victory - the final victory of it’s kind?

I don’t know. But I do know I’ll miss it. The rivalry ended quite dramatically, with charged emotions on both sides of the state. The tradition’s ending, and the bitter feelings that led to it’s demise are not what I want to remember.

I don’t want this Thanksgiving victory to be a punctuation mark at the end of a rivalry, unless maybe as an ellipses…a dot, dot, dot of what lie ahead for the series in the future.

I know it will never be the same. We can’t rebuild the house of cards that caused the rivalry to collapse. But maybe I’ll get to see a new kind of tradition rise from what cannot be undone.

Until then …

The Mascot Confusion

"Gundy..."

"Yes? Is that you, God?"

"No, it's T-Boone. T-Boone Pickens."

"Oh.  Hi."

"Mike, can you tell me what happened out there today?"

"Well, Mr. Pickens, we lost."

"To...?"

"Iowa State..."

"Mike, I thought I hired A MAN."

"You did!"

"I'm not happy.  We lost our #2 ranking."

"I know sir, but, well sir, we were hoodwinked!"

"How so?"

"Well, we knew we were playing the Cyclones, so we thought we for sure had them beat.  I mean, surely we're equiped to handle Cyclones.  We're from Oklahoma!"

"And?"

"Well, we show up to play and there weren't just Cyclones.  There were birds too.  Birds with teeth."

"And?"

"Well sir, it's just GARBAGE!  It was like we had to play the bird teeth team and not the cyclone team.  We could have beat the cyclone team.  Because we're totally prepared for tornadoes and stuff like that.  Cause we're from Oklahoma!"

"Are there birds in Oklahoma?"

"Well, yes, but we were looking for Cyclones!"

"Well, Mike..."

"I know Mr. Pickens! I'm sick about it! It MAKES ME WANNA PUKE!  But now we know.  Cyclones and teeth birds!"

"Sigh..."

The Wish List List

Have I mentioned that I feel fear every time Tucker punts the ball? I know he’s effective and all, but it just seems like a Charlie Brown kind of thing happening on the field each time he does it.

Anyway. With Black Friday nearing, I thought I would share a list of what some of our favorite College Football folks are hoping for this Christmas:

1. Mack Brown – I'm guessing he's probably hoping to find a quarterback under the tree. I don’t think he cares if it’s new or used, as long as it functions properly.

2. Lane Kiffin – I hear he’s been shopping for a new set of baggage. Oh, I’m sorry. I meant luggage.

3. The Longhorn Network – Still searching for just that perfect major cable provider.  Actually, probably any major cable provider will do.

4. Penn State – A time machine…I think I saw one in the Sky Mall catalogue last week. I know they've got the engineering department working on that flux capacitor.

5. Mike Sherman – I’m guessing he’s not wishing for anything new, but just hoping to hold onto a lead he already has.

6. Jim Tressel – I’d imagine Jim’s been scoping out some lessons on email etiquette. A must have for the holiday season.

7. Bob Stoops – On his list, like every year is a new visor. I think he stopped asking for a break even on BCS bowl victories.

8. ESPN – I think they’ve just added a time-delay to their wishlist. Too late? Aw, F@$% it!

9. Art Briles – He’ll be sitting on Santa’s Lap with just one wish…that RGIII sticks it out in Waco for one more year.

10. Rich Rodriguez – I heard he was in the market for a good quality, moisturizing sunscreen.

11. Gary Pinkel – People say they’re impersonal, but gift cards make nice stocking stuffers. Yellow Cab does gift cards, right?

12. Arkansas – A miracle, in the form of a few big upsets. But they’d like their present a little early…like December 3rd.

13. Urban Meyer – For this guy, less is more. He’s hoping that the holidays bring very few Ohio State NCAA sanctions.

14. Gary Patterson – he’s already gotten his wish…entrance into an AQ conference…The Big XII.

15. David Shaw – This Cardinal has made it clear the only thing he wants for Christmas is a playoff system.

The Week of Twelve

Now that I’ve gotten a little bit of frustration out of my system regarding last week’s game against K-State, I thought it might be fun to address some other College Football happenings for the last few weeks.

The one thing I’ve been avoiding here on Adventures of a Football Girl is the Penn State scandal. It’s hard to write about because everything up to this point is speculation, and he said/she said (or I guess in this case, he said/he said). That makes me nervous. It’s also hard for me to write about because it’s just so sad. I do have one strong opinion: If Joe Pa was fired for not going to the police, then McQueary should have been as well. Another opinion: Sandusky has the worst lawyer in the world. What would possess a lawyer to let his client do a phone interview with Bob Costas. Reality check, people! Regardless, the whole thing is…

…terrible. Much like a particular Kansas 1st quarter drive, in which they managed to move the ball backwards from the Kansas 49 for a Texas A&M Safety. When I saw the final score, A&M 61, Kansas 7, I was slightly fearful. But on closer inspection it appears that maybe Kansas, much like Texas this week, did a lot of the damage to themselves…as this particular five minutes of terror proves. Thursday night game between Texas and Texas A&M should be a real showdown of…

…mediocrity. Look, I’m not saying Texas is the pot of gold at the end of anyone’s rainbow. But, Oklahoma is looking less and less like a BCS leprechaun to me. Granted, Baylor is nothing to thumb your nose at, in fact, I think they get a lot less credit than they deserve, but letting Tech put up 600 yards of offense on you is…not okay. Yes, I know, three defensive starters were out…I feel ya, but as I’ve said of the Longhorns, you can’t recruit as well as we do and not have depth to adjust. That being said, how about them…

…bears! Taking down two of my favorite teams to loathe this year! First TCU then Oklahoma. And, probably next…us! But that’s okay, unlike last year, this season I’m fully expecting it. Hopefully I’ll be able to at least make my day a happier one by visiting Judge, the Baylor Bear who lives on campus in a habitat. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. The closest thing we have to that at Texas is the supposed burial of “pig,” the UT President’s deceased dog, underneath a random tree grate somewhere on the original 40 acres. I couldn’t tell you off-hand where his final resting place is, but I know I’ve happened upon it several times and recognized it immediately. I digress. I’m sure Art Briles has spent the last three days composing love letters to RGIII begging him to stay. I’d pay to get my hands on a list of promises he’s willing to make if Griffin will…

…stay put! The minute you turn that dial, you’re going to miss a moment of TV greatness. Somewhere between Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire and his sister Janet bearing her lady parts at the Super Bowl, you can rank Lee Corso dropping the F-Bomb on College Game Day into great moments on TV that you could have missed with the blink of an eye. At the time of posting, you can still see Corso’s mini-meltdown on YouTube, but I don’t know how long that will last. Just know that it was everything you could have …

…dreamed. This is the season to dream big. Just ask Paul Rhodes. Who would have thought a team of tornados/birds-with-teeth would take down the #2 team in the nation? Oklahoma State seemed a little surprised to have gone down that way and rightly so. The rest of us sure were! Coming from a 24-7 deficit to win in double overtime?! Hello Cyclones. I’m glad to see them overcome their mascot confusion and pull together for the win. The bowl eligible Cyclones still have the other Oklahoma to play this weekend, but should be proud of their season. Way to shake up…

…the Big XII. Well, what’s left of it anyway. At the end of the year we say goodbye to Texas A&M and Missouri. And to that I say … “Goodbye & Good Luck.” We will also welcome – eh…welcome is a loose term in my vocabulary when talking about the purple frogs...TCU and West Virginia (!?) into our little fraternity. And to that I say … “mehm.” I will point out that I think it’s a little weird for your conference chair-people to make a big stink about how important it is that conferences “stay regional,” then throw non-regional schools in the mix completely randomly. I like the program, but what a whip for WVU, to have all of their conference games be …

…so close yet so far away. Which is how I feel about our season. At the very least, it’s almost over.

To put us out of our Week 12 misery, I leave you with the following snippet:

Debra: "I’m excited to go to college station, but I don’t want to go in that rape tunnel. That’s scary."
Me: "I’d rather be in the Aggie rape tunnel than in a shower at Penn State."

...too soon?

The Low Note

Well, the Longhorns decided to really end the home season on a high note. Wait. Did I say high note? I meant horribly awful low, very low note. Like, Isaac Hayes delivered it.

“Ya damn right.”

There’s nothing quite like a loss on senior day - it was so depressing that the seniors didn’t even take their victory lap around DKR while George Strait’s “If It Wasn’t For Texas” looped in the background.

Of course, not one bit of me is surprised. Kansas State is the only team in the Big XII (the original XII, that is) with a winning record against Texas. I’m pretty sure that Bill Snyder has a crystal ball filled with our plays, players, coaches, fans and license plate numbers, and every year about this time he just dances around it and summons up the win long before our teams arrive on the field.

To take some credit away from K-State (because I’m a little bitter and I feel like it), we did a pretty good job beating ourselves. I hate to burst the bubble of Collin Klein, who made the post game comment “Bottom line is we made some plays,” but the bottom bottom line (…you know, the one below the bottom line that’s closer to the bottom?) is that the Texas offense didn’t show up.

“Can you dig it?”

The ‘Horns defense gave their best performance to date, no shame in that game. Collin Klein, Wildcat quarterback was held to just 4 yards on the ground…his average is 101 per game. The D held K-State to 121 yards of total offense and only 8 first downs. The Longhorn Defense has really come into it this latter part of this season. I’m sold.

Can you guess what I’m not sold on? Do I need to even get into it? Probably not. Can I stop myself? Probably not.

I got some heat for a recent post where I proclaimed “there’s no excuse” for us not being able to field an entire functioning football team, regardless of how many starters are out. I stand by these comments even more so after Saturday’s pitiful showing. We lack basic skills like throwing and catching. We also lack logical play calling.

Don’t get me wrong. I was more excited than a lot of people when I heard that Harsin was coming to Texas. I’ve always felt that Boise State - and thus Harsin, tailored their program to their players, where Texas always seemed to tailor it’s players to it’s program. Even the exception proves the rule…it took years for the coaches to allow Vince to do his thing - to break from the box they intended to put him in.

I has hoping that Harsin was going to bring some of that spirit to Texas. That we were finally going to start building an offense that exploited the talent we have on our roster. Turns out that instead of a coach, we got a playbook filled with plays that worked great for Boise State Players. And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t fit our players into it.

"Shut yo mouth.”

Fun Stats That May Anger You:

80% - Percentage of yards gained by Texas in he last 21 minutes, 59 seconds of the game
3 - Points scored by Texas in the first 38 minutes, 1 second of the game.
1 - Touchdown scored by Texas in 8 quarters of play
1 - Halo Penalty against Texas
2002 - year the Holo Rule was removed from the big book of NCAA rules
3 Minutes, 16 Seconds - time of possession of the single Texas TD drive of the night.
81 - Yards gained in solitary Texas TD drive
0 - Interceptions by McCoy
2 - Drives ending in Ash interceptions
5 - times Collin Klein was sacked
6.4 - average yards K-State lost on sacks
5 - average yards Texas lost on sacks
1 - time Texas QB was sacked
(Sack, say sack again. Sack. The word is beginning to not look correct.)
99.9% - effort and greatness by the Texas Defense.  (I made this statistic up, but it is true)

Amazing Stats That Should Bring a Tear To Your Eye, Unless Your Heart Is Two Sizes Too Small:
(I mean two sizes too small in a Grinch way, not in an Andre the Giant way….)

5% - chance that Blaine Irby would ever walk normally again after his injury in September, 2008.
3 - surgeries to repair Irby’s dislocated knee, torn ACL, torn LCL, torn meniscus, torn cartilage, shredded muscles and tendons
15 - months from time from injury to when Irby was able to first move his foot.
3 - years after injury, Irby took to the field to play after what should have been a career ending and crippling injury.
1 - amazing heart & spirit named Blaine Irby

The Cartoon

Oh my goodness! I was flipping through channels the other night and saw that An American Tail was on. A favorite of my childhood, I flipped to it. Remember Fievel, sweet little mouse child who gets separated from his "papa" and family as they immigrate to America? There is much singing and mouse dancing? An inspiring cartoon version of the Rodent-American Dream?! Amazing.

I settled in with a Hot Toddy

I watched for about two seconds and came to the conclusion that it is utterly depressing.

These poor Russian mice! Going to America after cats burned down their home. Who told them there were no cats in America? LIES! Fievel, Papa and the rest of the Mousekewitz family hop on a ship bound for America and while on the journey are caught in a storm. Fievel, while trying to hang onto a hat eighteen sizes too big for him, ends up falling off the boat and riding in an empty wine bottle to America.


"Is this America!?"
"No, it's New York."

Fievel's family think (reasonably) that he is dead and go to make a life in America where, unfortunately, there are cats.

Meanwhile, Fievel meets an optimistic singing pigeon who encourages him to "never say never"and keep hope that he'll find his family. Clearly the pigeon, who claims to be building the Statue of Liberty, is mentally ill. But that's alright.

While journeying to find his family, Fievel encounters a pretty dirty rat (ha, get it) who, with the help of a cockroach in his pocket, enslaves him to work in a mouse-sweatshop. Fievel escapes with fellow child-slave Tony Tiponi, wandering the streets of New York as "Poor Wandering One" from Pirates of Penzance plays in the background.

Somewhere else in New York, Fievel's sister tells her parents she feels like Fievel is still alive somewhere, but they basically tell her to give up hope and not to try to look for him. "You can't find what's not there."

Did I mention there are cats in America? There are.

Tony and Fievel meet Bridget (Tony and Bridget fall instantly in mouse-love) who takes them to see a politician to help find the Mousekewitzes, who are unfortunately not registered voters, as they are brand new Russian mouse-immigrants.

It's at this point that Fievel and his sister sing the star-crossed duet "Somewhere Out There" and dream of be reunited. It's a tear-jerker. Kind of a cross between "One Little Star" from Follow That Bird and the opening credits version of "Heartland" from Pure Country. Not for the weak of heart.

The storyline gets a little fuzzy here. The dirty rat from the beginning comes back and all the other mice rally against him, then somehow Fievel discovers that the dirty rat is actually a cat in a mouse costume?! Fievel saves the day by tricking the cats into getting onto a boat headed for Hong Kong.

Still unable to find his family, Feivel is told by other mouse-orphans to give up hope.

But wait - before you off-yourself from sheer animated depression - Fievel eventually hears his Papa's violin playing and the Mousekewitzes are reunited! It's perfect timing, since the mentally-ill pigeon from the beginning has finished the Statue of Liberty. The Mousekewitzes, Tony & Bridget all get to live the American Dream.

Regardless of how sad this was as an adult, my sister and I were talking about when we went to see it in the movie theater - the big snowflake in the opening credits was one of the coolest things we had ever seen.

On a side note, there was a mouse sighting in our office today. More disturbing than the actual sighting is the fact that it promptly became un-sighted and now mysteriously roams the office under the cover of carpet base and computer wiring.

I chose to believe it was just Fievel. Looking for his family. Because there are no cats on the 9th floor.

The Date

At some point during the viewing of the ever so painful 7th game of the World Series, Debra turned to me with the ultimate would you rather:

“Would you rather go on a date with Gary Patterson or Bo Pelini?”

Hmm. My immediate response was “Hands down, Bo Pelini.” Then, as they always do, the wheels in my mind began to churn.

Churn….Gary is better looking.

Churn….I hate him.

Churn….Bo Pelini would probably make me eat corn and only corn on our date. He might even make me go pick it, shuck it and have it prepared, they way they do at restaurants with tanks full of lobsters.

Churn…I don’t want to go to Nebraska.

Churn…I don’t have any purple to wear.

Churn…Pelini breathes with his mouth open. He probably chews that way too.

Churn…churn…churn.

I ultimately decided that perhaps I should take the date with Patterson. My mind began to formulate a plan. Patterson picks me up, takes me to Al Bernait’s. After a nice wedge salad and a steak and shrimp combo, I order cheesecake. Immediately following a healthy serving of a crumbly graham cracker crust, I will excuse myself to powder my nose, then hop in a cab and hike it home.

It’s not very ladylike, but I feel it would be a healthy dosage of his own medicine. See how it feels to be left high and dry, much in the same way he does when he singles out his players after losses.

I know, not nice. But you can’t not play “would you rather.”

After divulging my plans, Debra made the comment to “be sure and pin a twenty to your panties.” You know, for the cab ride home.

Even though I hate the word “panties,” I nodded in agreement.

It’s a farfetched scenario, as I neither coach would care to take me on a date. I’m pretty sure they’re both married and I’m pretty sure they both hate not only the Longhorns, but Adventures of a Football Girl as well. I’m sure the loathing would be mutual if I were famous enough for them to know about me.

Eh.

God, punishing me for having such a mean plan, then made us lose the World Series to St. Louis.

And for that, I apologize.

The Show Me State: Addendum A

Well, let’s just say this most recent trip to Missouri didn’t “show me” what I wanted to see. Did it show me a pitiful display of University of Texas athletics? Yes. Did it show me that despite top ten recruiting classes for the last umpteen years, the coaches cannot substitute for an injured player? Yes.

Did it show me a win? No.

It is incomprehensible to me that an injured starter, or two, or three is a game crippling event. I can’t wrap my brain around it. Mack, Coach February, is one of the best recruiters in the country. What happens when these kids come to practice with the team?! Do they just hang out around the Gatorade and watch? Do they watch cartoons while the other players are learning routes? Why on earth don’t we have depth at these positions?

God knows the program has enough money and enough coaches to be able to teach every kid on the team how to play football to the extent that they can step in and play football when a starter is out of the game. What are we doing with these resources?

Seriously?

Grrr.  I'm Angry!

One interesting note from the game was watching Mack just completely flip his shit when we got tagged on a personal foul for an absolutely clean hit.  Of course, watching the game in the stadium is different than on TV, but we all were just flipping out.  To watch that many holding calls go un-called and then be nailed on a completely legit hit on an important 3rd down was upsetting.

Don't get me wrong, ref's callas are absolutely not the reason we lost that game, but within five minutes of that hit/personal foul call, I got about a dozen text messages telling me it was total crap. 

I've never seen Mack go nuts like that - he's usually so composed.  Not only did he get up in that ref's face, but he even went to talk to him when he came back from the half.  It's a rare Mack moment.  I thought he was going to go all Gary Patterson on him. 

Of course, Coach Brown didn't take it that far.  His post game mention of the play calling was as PC as always.  I guess wasn't really expecting anything different. 

Truly, Mack knows as well as the rest of us that the reffing was not the reason we lost that game.  We didn't need any help handling that.

If it wasn’t bad enough to lose to Mizzou (did you know that Pinkel, prior to the game, was 0-5 against Mack Brown?) during one of the quarter breaks, they did a stunning and painful salute to the St. Louis Cardinals and their victory over the Texas Rangers in the World Series. It was a little surreal to be sitting in the stands and look over to see the fans actually, literally taunting the Texas fans.

(Side note: During this strange taunting, I looked over and saw an old lady, who I feel was staring directly at me, laughing maniacally and throwing her Horns down. In the week since, twice I’ve dreamed about her and each time she was the old homeless lady in The Princess Bride – “So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!” A little weird, right?)

One thing that I think is completely tacky, but I personally enjoy, is our band. I’ve observed at away games, our traveling band just being complete assholes and stomping all over the home team bands.

In fact, I first noted it the last time we went to Mizzou. We had won the game, and the players were all standing around in the endzone waiting for the Tiger’s alma mater to end so they could play The Eyes of Texas and get back on the freaking bus. The UT Band Director (Dr. Robert Carnochan - I believe this was his first year) finally had waited long enough and started playing The Eyes, right over the other band.

Dr. Crnochan - Rouge
Band Director

Was it arrogant and tacky? Yes. Did I love it? Yes. I won’t pretend otherwise.

In the last few years, I’ve found this happening all around the country when the team travels. That band director is going to lead that band whenever he feels like it. I guess his reasoning is that he only has with him a tiny traveling band, and a major university with their full band should be able to drown out anything he’s got this tiny traveling band playing. He may say that is his reasoning. But it’s not true and he knows it. And it’s awesome.

For instance, in Missouri, there was a big to-do about the Missouri waltz. I guess ol’ Dr. Carnochan doesn’t favor this particular waltz. About halfway through he just started playing some random Texas favorite. You think the Tigers jeered when the Cardinals were honored? They were practically spitting in our direction. Eh.

I guess if you can’t beat them, annoy them with Kashmir.

The Show Me State

As I pack my bags for a road trip to Columbia, Missouri, I can’t help but take the time to reflect on the last few games.

My work life has become so hectic that I haven’t been able to scour the interwebs for fun facts and statistics as I normally do this time of year. Usually my fall is filled with SI, Yahoo!Sports and ESPN. This fall has been filled with property budgets, reconciliations and operating expense estimates. But that’s the way college football go…

A few brief thoughts:

The Kansas game was an absolute whipping. I used to feel bad shutting teams out, but I don’t particularly feel that way anymore. I know this isn’t a nice person thing to say, but after having teams like Oklahoma shove run-up scores in my face in order to bank up BCS votes, I’m starting to shift my feelings…sometimes I want Mack to just shut out the other team and score score score. He usually doesn’t. So I guess I’m okay with that too. I’m conflicted about the right thing and …

...the fact that I can’t figure out Texas Tech. They’ve kind of begun to be known as a BCS buster…every year, they have that one game of greatness that just shoves a BCS bound team right off the radar. Though this year we were able to stave off the attack, that team has been us many times just ask …

…Blake Gideon. It was at Kansas a few years ago when he took a hit that I legitimately thought killed him. When you see someone take a hit like that on TV, you have constant feedback on how the player is doing and updates on his conditions. When you’re in the stands, all you see is him flop down to the ground like a ragdoll and stop moving for 11 minutes. It was at this game when I noted that as advanced as medicine gets, sometimes the trainers still result to good old fashioned…

…smelling salts. I think the Texas defense must have gotten a whiff of some in the last few weeks. I’ve been impressed with their improvement since the Oklahoma Based games. Not that we’re where we need to be or where we should be, but I liked seeing things start to come together on the field. While Manny Diaz doesn’t have Muschamp’s irrational behavior, he does seem to have a handle on what’s going on out there. The only thing that has impressed me more than the defense in the last few weeks is….

….Joe Bergeron, true freshman out of Mesquite. Uh, hi! Came out of nowhere and planted two solid 130+ consecutive games and five touchdowns. I’ll take it. If co-offensive coordinators Applewhite and Harsin are going to continue lifeless play calling, then it’s nice to have a little something exciting to watch on the field. Makes it a little easier to watch the game without having to spike your drink with…

…liquor. I hardly know her! Um. Anyway. As we leave today for our journey to Missouri, I am reminded of the absolute greatness that you can buy liquor in gas stations in the Show-Me-State. You can show me convenience like that any day, Missouri. As long as you also show me…

…a win. Let’s make it three in a row, Horns!

The Bowl That Wasn't

A few nights ago, Debra and I were discussing the possibility of Texas going to a bowl game, possibly a regional one that would be difficult to attend.

It got me thinking about last year...by the end of our pitiful season, we were so completely beaten down by Longhorn Football, that by then end of the season we were pretty close to hoping for losses in the last few games.  I wanted the losses to put the nail in the coffin of the firing of Greg Davis.

It was a rough season.  Kacie, Debra and I still traveled to all of the games...in fact, when we facebook-checked-in at a bar Manhattan, Kansas, we noticed an immediate comment:  "Oh my God, they're masochists!"

And it was true.  We went there knowing full well we would lose...and the 'Horns did not disappoint.

With just a few games left to go, we were on the cusp of a bowl bid.  Any bowl bid.  The three of us were so disappointed/tired/beated down/frustrated with the football season that we decided we wouldn't even go to the game if they made a bowl.

"I wouldn't even drive to the Cotton Bowl to see them play!" Kacie declared. 

But it was Debra who summed it up so beautifully that the image will stay with me forever:

"Hell.  I wouldn't even walk to my window to see them play in the [her street name] Cul De Sac Bowl."

Luckily, or maybe sadly, none of us had to follow through on our threats of ignoring an "Addison Circle Bowl", the "Empty Lot Next to My Apartment Bowl" or the "Parking Lot of My Office Bowl."

The 'Horns finished so abysmally, they weren't even invited to one.

And that's the way college football go.

The Golden Tot

It was a good day. It was Byron Nelson Friday and the Mavs had just secured a spot in the NBA finals, where a rematch agains the Miami Heat was looming.

While Debra and I were waiting for Kacie to arrive before heading out for a day at the Pavillion, I tentatively asked Debra if she wanted to go try to buy Mavericks tickets in the morning, since they were having a lottery. "Sure," she said. "What time?" Uh, this was the part I wanted to fluff over. "Well, they start giving lottery tickets at 8:30 am, so maybe leave at 7ish?" She made a face for just a split second before nodding and saying "ok..."

When Kacie arrived, I played the same game on her, expecting much different results...Kacie is not a big fan of lines, crowds or time wasting. She agreed right away, so I took the "yes" and broke the news about the starting time. Her eyes glazed over a little, but she didn't falter.

Off to the Byron Nelson we went. It was a long day on the links, so on the way home, we stopped at Sonic, where we ordered a ridiculous amount of food and a couple of "drink buddies," which is some kind of toy that sits on the edge of your drink. I don't know why. We must have sounded a little stupid..."I'll take a monkey, a pineapple guy and .... another monkey." We didn't know they came randomly in packs of three.

The Golden Tot

When we got home, we broke open the food and drink buddies. I think we ended up with nine of them, which is ridiculous. Whilst sorting our food and buddies, I found my pineapple guy. But it wasn't a pineapple guy. It was a Tot. As in Tater.

Kacie noticed that among our new friends there was a very special drink buddy. All wrapped up in separate packaging, he came with a small insert. “Congratulations," it read. "You have found the Golden Tot. The Golden Tot is the rarest and most valuable of all the drink buddies." 

I, of course, was extraordinarily excited to have found the rarest of all the drink buddies. I immediately knew The Tot was destined for good fortune, and that I would be along for the ride!

We had agreed to meet at my apartment at 7:30 to get to the arena. Not wanting to be pushy, I was careful not to bother the ladies all morning to make sure they were up and on their way. Kacie arrived and we waited for Debra.

When Debra arrived she clearly had woken up and left her house in a matter of minutes. She was wearing a strange Disney shirt from the 90’s, which Kacie and I just could not let go. We interrogated her endlessly about how she ended up wearing it. “It was the first thing in the drawer!” she said. We found this bizarre, as normally the things on the top of the drawer were the things most recently worn.

As we arrived at the American Airlines Center, still all atwitter about the Disney shirt, we realized what we were in for. After parking, we began the long trot to the end of the line…around the parking garage, back up the street across the street…all the way up the Katy Trail. It was quite the scene.

We got in line at 8:23 am, and it continued to grow behind us. I understand that there ended up being about 5,000 people who showed up to get lottery tickets, and the line was just under a mile long.

At that point, we pretty much felt it was hopeless. We were a little unclear on how the lottery worked and there were so many people that it pretty much seemed impossible that we would have the chance to buy tickets, since there was an rumor going around that only about the first 50 lottery winners would be able to get tickets. So….1% of us then…

As we waited for the lottery tickets to be handed out, our spirits were pretty high. Regardless of whether we won, it was a fun thing to do, being down there with all the fans, trying to be a part of something big.

It was then that I pulled from my pocket our lucky charm. The Golden Tot. I knew he was lucky. I knew he was destined for greatness. The Golden Tot was going to help us win that ticket lottery…and the Championship.

We started to perk up. Debra at some point decided if we won the chance to buy tickets, she was going to upgrade her Longhorn tattoo to include “Texas Forever.” It’s one of those things you say, when there’s a slim chance it might happen and a slim chance you might have done it anyway.

They started handing out the tickets at 8:30 am and kept handing them out until they were gone. There were two sets of tickets, red ones starting at the very beginning of the line and blue ones starting about halfway up the line. We got ours (Blue: #259051, #259052 & 259053) then anxiously waited for what came next.

Once all the tickets were distributed, we were herded back over to the front of the arena and crammed into a parking lot where they were going to do the drawing. So here we were, 5,000 people in a parking lot.

While waiting for them to draw, we tried to figure out how it was going to work. It was too much mass chaos to draw number after number, so we learned that the drawing would be set up so a single ticket was drawn and that lottery ticket holder would then become the first person in the line to buy tickets. For example, if lottery ticket # 250 was drawn, that person would be first in line. Lottery ticket holder #251 would be second, and so on.

While we were waiting, a lady who was there with her daughter, tried to convince Kacie to trade tickets with her, so that there would be a better chance of winning a spot in line. To which Kacie responded “But what if mine is the winner…?”

We rubbed and kissed The Golden Tot for luck as they drew the winning lottery ticket. Because the lottery itself was so poorly executed, no one could hear Guy on Bullhorn who announced the number. The fans, all crammed together in a small space started getting anxious and pushy.

Debra, Kacie and I began to feel fear. We wanted this ordeal to be over. As the lucky number started to trickle through the masses, we struggled to hear it. What was it? 259…something.

WHAT IS IT?!

259147 is the number we were hearing, which was a total bummer, since it was about 100 people behind us in the line.

But then, we starting hearing what sounded like 259014. Our ears perked up, as that gave us a slim chance of ticket purchase.

WHAT IS IT?!

It was at this point of hopeful hysteria that I heard it: 259047. Then I heard it again. And again. A shot of motherly adrenaline surged through me. I grabbed Kacie and Debra and firmly pulled them through the crowd, where I found an official looking man.

“What is the ticket number?” I asked.

“259047.”

My mind went into overdrive and I did remedial calculations. Just before completely flipping out, I asked one more question:

Me with lucky ticket
#459051 and The Tot

“Red or Blue?”

“Blue.” He confirmed.

Oh My God. We Did It.

I’m not even sure the girls knew what was happening as I grabbed back ahold of them and started pushing my way to the ticket window. We passed through a set of barricades and there we were:

5th, 6th & 7th out of 5,000 people, in line to buy tickets.

You can imagine what happened in the next few minutes. People lined the barricades pelting us with requests. One man offered Kacie $300 for her lottery ticket. Others were asking us to buy tickets for them. People wanted those tickets. Real bad.

One couple just jumped the barricade and cut into the line about 10 people back.  When the people they cut in front of summoned security, the couple became indignant, saying that they had camped out the night before, and it's not fair that people who arrived at 8:30 were getting tickets.  Uh, lady, it's a lottery.  That's the point...

Kacie, Debra and I, at that moment, mostly felt shock, but we were terribly excited. We were giggling, repeating that we couldn’t believe what had transpired over the last two hours. What are the chances?! How did this happen?! Over and over, I kept saying it was The Tot. The Golden Tot.

We replayed the morning in our minds: If Debra had stopped to find a less ridiculous T-shirt, we wouldn’t have won. If we had gone earlier, like originally suggested, we wouldn’t have won. If I had made us stop for a sausage McMuffin, we wouldn’t have won. We didn’t dare speculate what would have happened if he hadn’t gone to Sonic, where we acquired The Golden Tot.

Debra, Kacie and I made it to the
big boy line.

It was a great moment.  

The ticket windows finally opened, and within minutes we had secured tickets to the first two games of the NBA finals. It would be less than half an hour before the games were sold out.

All was right with the world.

With the tickets securely in our purses, clutched securely in our arms, we realized we now had to trapse through a crowd of angry, tired, ticketless fans with thousands of dollars worth of tickets on us.

We asked for a policeman to take us back to the car. They said they were too busy. This was upsetting, but we thought we could make it. I think we ran the last few steps, got inside and locked the doors.

Our Loot.

We spread out our booty on the console. It was beautiful.

  

Once slightly calm and collected, we stopped at a gas station for caffeine and actual lottery tickets. We texted and called our family and friends. No one was near the level of excited we expected them to be. “Um, hello people! We were a part of a 1% today! It’s a big deal!” To this day, I can't get anyone to understand how unlikely and amazing it was.  But that's okay.

Me, Kacie and the Terry Tot.

Of course, I couldn’t let it go that I felt The Tot was directly related to our luck. I wanted to take no chances with my lucky charm, so I strung him up on a chain and wore him as a necklace as I watched each game. Sometimes I dressed him up like Jason Terry and called him the Terry Tot.

The rest of the story, you already know (well, except the part where Debra and I stalked tattoo parlors all over Addison that morning until we found an open one to fulfill her “Texas Forever” promise). The Mavs won their first NBA Title against Miami in game six. It was redemption for 2006, and for everyone that said Dirk wasn’t a big-game player and for everyone that said the Mavs were too old and too rag-tag. It was a great time for the city of Dallas and the Mavericks. Dirk, Cuban and Kidd could pretty much bring me to tears at any moment in the week that followed.

I know that probably Rick Carlisle and the boys did all the hard work. But I can’t help wonder how it all would have played out….without The Golden Tot.

The Golden Tot, doing what a drink buddy does best.