Dr. Carnochan should feel lucky. I mean, all I wanted was a picture. And to declare that he’s my favorite. And to tell him that I blog about him. But only that one time and not in a creepy way.
I mean, I didn’t do to him like I did Sandra Bullock that time. See…back in college, Sandra Bullock was producing/directing/starring in Miss Congeniality 2. I wanted to work on the movie, like on the crew, so I sent in a rather…unusual resume. Basically it was a bunch of charts and graphs displaying why I would be fabulous for her crew. Then, I made a CD with soothing music over which I dubbed things like “Beth Burke would make a fine addition to your production staff” and “Beth Burke is a hard worker.” Then I made a label calling the CD “Subliminal Messages” which I then crossed out and relabeled “Sleeping Music.” It was amazing. Of course, I never heard from Sandy. And I’ve never been a fine member of her production staff.
Then there’s the instance of Owen Wilson. One night whilst drinking at The Loon in Dallas, I walked out of the bathroom and turned a sharp corner at which point I literally smacked faces with this blonde brother. We are pretty much exactly the same height (which I’m sure is not surprising to anyone) so for all practical purposes, we smacked heads concussion style…both of us managing to preserve the heavily poured libations we carried. I still take credit for breaking his nose. Anyhoo. Later, I was standing in a sort of gauntlet area of the bar, at which Don Nelson and Owen Wilson stood on opposite ends. Knowing that two local Dallas celebs can’t be in the same place without being big buddies, I held my ground knowing I would get another brush with fame. When Owen made his way through the gauntlet, I suddenly became the most awesome and amazing girl in the room…because he stopped. Then he turned and spoke to me. “You be careful now, alright?” he said in a teasing scold. I nodded mutely. He turned to walk by and I stopped him. I held out my hand and touched his elbow. “WAIT!” I yelled. He stopped, turned back and looked me square in the face. “I loved you in The Cable Guy!” I blurted out tactlessly. A shadow crossed his face. Not quite anger, but something. All movement and speaking in the room stopped. It was like in an episode of “Saved By the Bell” when Zack Morris would do a time-out and everyone would freeze. (Let me explain for an instant here – Kacie and I have always sworn we would play the game “I loved you in” when we met a celebrity. You know, where you tell a famous person you “loved them in” the most obscure movie they were in, as a way to kind of insult them…? This was the first celebrity I’d run in to since we made this pact. And indeed, he was in The Cable Guy. For about three minutes. Poor Owen must have been confused…Wedding Crashers had just come out and he was riding the fame wave and dating Kate Hudson.) Owen handled it pretty well, and all activity in the bar resumed shortly after he answered me with a “That’s pretty cool. No one’s ever done that before.” He walked away and I hightailed it out of the bar, being sure to go out on top.
So there’s two kind of scary things I’ve done. There are more. I also stalked Major Applewhite through the majority of his college career. Luckily he didn’t remember me last August when I saw him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten this awesome picture:
Now, as I’ve blogged before, I’m a big fan of this Dr. Robert Carnochan character. He’s like this bad-ass band director, just playing whenever and whatever he wants. For two straight trips to Mizzou, he enraged the Tiger crowd by playing over their beloved waltzes and fight songs with an evil little smirk and a shoulder shrug. Kacie, Debra and I love him.
So when we got to our seats at Kyle Field and realized that we were right next to the band, I took the opportunity to drag the girls over to where he stood on his little ladder and insist they take pictures of him and me.
“Sir!” I yelled to him on his perch. “Will you take a picture with me?” He looked at me strangely, and I realized that probably people not associated with the band or program probably don’t usually ask him for pictures. I didn’t care. He agreed and began to make his way over to us while I blathered on. “You’re such a bad-ass! You’re my favorite! I think you’re awesome!” he looked at me calmly until the kicker “I blogged about you last week.”
Dr. Cornochan tried not to look scared when he said “That’s….creepy. But okay!”
What a good sport. We posed for our picture and thanked him. His smile only wavered slightly as when we walked away Debra did a turnaround and added “We loved what you did in Missouri!”
Hey, it's good to have fans!
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