The Pharmacy

I think it should take a special kind of person to work in a pharmacy. The deal is, if I’m going to a pharmacy to get some kind of medicine and I’m not some kind of druggie, it’s probably fairly important to me that I get this particular medicine. I think a pharmacist should be sensitive to this, and react to their customers with some kind of understanding.

Apparently at the “SVC” pharmacy, the hiring manager does not share this sentiment.

In the last two years, my sister Kacie has become increasingly irritated with the SVC by her house. Dear sweet Kacie has only one prescription which she fills monthly, and somehow every month the SVC manages a severe malfunction at some point in the prescription filling process. Every few months, I will listen to a tale of how the SVC has failed her again with a new feat of incompetence.

I have personally been an SVC customer for over 10 years. When she would tell her tales, I would think “Wow! I’ve been going to the SVC for a pretty long time, and I’ve never had a particularly notable bad experience. I’m sure she’s exaggerating.” In fact, Kacie and I once went to her SVC together. She was thrilled for the chance to show me the circus that went on when she tried to fill this prescription. “Just wait!” she told me, excitedly as we made our way through aisles of “as seen on TV” products and wine. “Finally you’re going to see what I have to go through!”

We hopped up to the counter. I love a good meltdown (when it’s not mine) and was excited to see Kacie go nuts at the pharmacy. She was all riled up and just waiting to see what they would mess up this time. True to the law of averages, the transaction was perfectly smooth. The pharmacist smiled pleasantly as he retrieved her prescription and seamlessly rang her up. “Here you are, ma’am! Have a nice day.” Kacie was not happy. “Of course they get it right, the ONE TIME I bring someone to see. Of course. That’s. Just. Great.” I just laughed, as the encounter reaffirmed my suspicion that all these years of SVC drama had been exaggerated.

But then…

About three months ago, I was scolded at the counter at the SVC for not refilling my prescriptions online. How dare I walk into a pharmacy and ask for a refill?! In an effort not to upset my pharmacist, you know, because he gives me drugs and I take them, I went to SVC.com and set up my profile. I did not want to be murdered poisoned-80’s-Tylenol-style.

This is where the trouble started. I created a profile using a label from one of my prescriptions. When I was all logged in, I noticed my name was not quite right. Instead of First- Last- Middle, it was Middle-First-Last. Also, my address was wrong – citing an apartment I lived in about six years prior. Upon further investigation I saw that my prescription history was missing some important data.

The next time I went to the SVC, I tried to explain the situation. Because I am a control freak, I keep the all the small cards attached to my prescriptions in my wallet, in case I am in a terrible accident or a policeman wonders why there is something in my system resembling speed. At the counter I pulled them all out and it was discovered that I had two profiles set up in the system. I asked them to consolidate the profiles so I could properly manage my account online. They said they would.

They did not.

The next incident was regarding my (gasp!) birth control prescription. When I picked up the second pack, I noted the pharmacy had me down for only two more refills. I know this isn’t right. I ask the pharmacist to pull up the actual script to investigate. Turns out the script was written so that I could get three months at a time with three refills. I asked the SVC to change it in their system so I could get all 12 packs. They explained they would have to call the doctor to confirm. I explained that it was written plainly on the script and they could just change it in the system. Oh no, the SVC is too good for that.

I ask for my refill, and they tell me the prescription is now on hold until they contact the doctor. The pharmacist has the gall to tell me “It has only been 21 days since your last pickup, you don’t need it yet.” It took all my restraint to not tell the pharmacist where he could shove his pill counter. I tried to stay calm “I would like it now.” The pharmacist refused.

The next day I was at the doctor picking up my monthly script for my Adderall, as well as a new script for sleeping medication. I asked if the pharmacy had called regarding the birth control. They hadn’t, but the doctor promised to call that day.

The next day I went to the SVC to pick up the Adderall, sleeping meds and birth control. Take a wild guess at what happened. The birth control had been corrected, but now was under the second profile, so of course they couldn’t find it. The sleeping medication was being held up by some insurance process and the Adderall prescription, which I can only get every 30 days was two days early.

They handed me back the Adderall script “we don’t want to lose it.” They told me. I was so confused! Why would they lose it? If I’m taking drugs to correct my ADD, don’t you think that perhaps I WILL LOSE IT?! I was frustrated, but decided to move on.

I now had to re-request the birth control, since they couldn’t find it under the old profile. It was as if I had never ordered it. I wanted to crawl behind the counter and get it myself. But I also didn’t want to get arrested.

I tackled the next one. I asked how much it would cost just to buy the sleeping meds outright without insurance. It was some crazy amount like $18 thousand dollars (okay, maybe it was like $300, but still….) I settled on dropping $50 bucks to buy 5 measly pills to get me through the next few days. You cannot put a price on a good night’s sleep. The pharmacist said they would call me when the insurance issue was settled.

They did not.

Finally I went back to the SVC to check on it. It doesn’t take a psychic to guess that it had been filled and they had, indeed, not called me.

They pulled the sleeping meds and – I know, you’ll never believe it – the birth control was nowhere to be found. I tried to turn in the Adderall script, since it had now been the proper amount of days. The pharmacist yelled out loudly from the back of the pharmacy “That’s on back order!” I tried to remain calm and asked “when do you expect it in?”

“We don’t control the inventory!” he screamed at me. “It could be four days, it could be four months!” Uh, okay.

“Can you take the prescription and call me when it’s in? If it’s backordered, no one has it, right?”

“NO ONE HAS IT! IT’S BACKORDERED! WE CAN’T KEEP THAT! WE MIGHT LOSE IT!” Other customers are starting to stare.

Again with the losing it…what the heck?! Are you that terrible at keeping important documents? I know you’re bad at reading them, but I thought this was a safe place. Again, I was left to implore that perhaps the affliction that causes me to need Adderall might prevent me from keeping good track of its cure.

I put the script back in my purse and reached out for the sleeping medicine. I noticed on the label it said I had only one refill. The script was written for 30 days and two refills. “Ok, why does this say I have only one refill?” I asked the woman about to ring me up.

She tapped away at the computer and told me that I had already filled one a week earlier. “I only got five,” I explained. I should have 55 available after I take this bottle.”

“No.” she told me. “You just have one refill left.”

That was enough. I lost my cool. I huffed at the woman behind the counter “I am transferring all of my prescriptions from here. This SVC is HORRIBLE.”

She stared blankly at me, probably tying to calculate in her head how many days I had gone without sleep based on the SVC’s fuzzy math regarding my sleeping pills.

“YOU!” I pointed at the head pharmacist! “You act like you’re doing me a favor by letting me get my prescriptions filled here. I’m sick of it! I’m NEVER coming back here again!”

I turned back to the woman behind the counter and picked up the pen to sign for the one prescription they had managed to fill.

“Do you still want this one?” She asked me. She was making an innocent face but I could hear a snarky tone in her voice.

(When telling this story to Kacie, who was thrilled that I, too, now hated the SVC, she says she imagines it is at this point that I rip open my own head and a demon comes out where my face used to be. I thought it was more of “I have turned into a grizzly bear and you are a camper, and I have just happened across you taking a nap cradling a jar of honey coated bear food.”)

My eyes widened in rage. “Yes, I want it!” My tone was eerily calm as I paid and left the store.

Because I am such a crazy person, I left the SVC and went straight to the Target up the road. At the pharmacy counter, I explained that I wanted my prescriptions transferred from the SVC up the street. I wrote down all the names and address for which they had me listed, and they made copies of the little cards in my wallet to be sure they had all the information.

I handed them my Adderall script and asked if they had any. The nice pharmacist said that indeed, they had just gotten them in. Unlike at the SVC, the Target pharmacy had noticed a backorder trend in the last few months and ordered extra.

So refreshing. I have found a new pharmacy home: Target. We have gone two weeks a the fabulous Target pharmacy without incident. Life is amazing.

While I was telling this story, Kacie mentioned to me that most recently, the doctor had specifically written her script for no generics. Of course, when Kacie was finally able to acquire the medicine from the SVC, it was generic. When she asked about it, the oh-so-competent SVC pharmacist told her “it doesn’t really matter, they’re really the same, it’s just a suggestion.”

Kacie has much more control than I do. She took it and decided to sort it out before the next month, though she did eyeball them and say “just give it to me” with a classic, “exhausted look” on her face. It’s a family weapon that has served us well over the years.

I told Kacie, that at this point in my journey with the SVC, that if that had been me, I would have ripped open the prescription at the counter and just started eating them all at once, asking “oh, so these instructions are just ‘suggestions too?!’ It’s the same if I just take them all right now?! Can I have some water?”

Kacie asked that if I was going to do that to please call her first so she could come and watch.

I’d love to oblige but doubt I’d have the forethought. It’s okay....she can review the scene over the security cameras when she comes to get me out of jail.