EXTREME BLOGGING HIATUS
 |
| Practice time in the kitchen.... |
1. Whilst visiting my parents last weekend and participating in a tailgate games challenge with them and their friends, I proved my undomestic-ness by managing to third degree burn my arm on an oven coil. Removing things from the oven is a task I should have mastered at the age of four (the picture here would indicate that I had practiced using a kitchen in some capacity since childhood.) Using the classic logic of “let a burn breathe” I did just that, allowing a lovely scab to form on my arm just where my watch normally lives. Of course, because I am prone to all things accidental, while in one of my vacancies I got my arm caught in a set of 300-year-old mini-blinds and a part of the scab ripped off. This led to an inevitable trip to the doctor and an even more inevitable Tetanus shot. This led to flu like symptoms and an affliction I’ll call “Tetanus-shot-dead-arm” that I treated with Icy-Hot patches that made me smell like an athlete and/or old man. Rather than blog, for three evenings straight I got home from work and wallowed around in misery watching cartoons. THE LESSON HERE: Eat pre-made desserts and don’t cook or bake. Ever. If you do, you will get Tetanus and die.
 |
| ...it took as long to grow as this download is going to take you. |
2. For the last week, my laptop has been working very hard to download Seasons 1 & 2 of Modern Family. You would think that I had asked my martyr laptop to climb up Mt. Rushmore and carve in Ed O'Neill’s face for all of the grief it has given me over this simple task. Afraid to distract said martyr laptop from the important task of downloading TV shows for me to watch at my leisure, I have tried to touch the martyr laptop only to pet it nicely and whisper soothing words. THE LESSON HERE: Don’t try to download anything on the “martyr laptop” unless you set it to download immediately before leaving for your summer on “Survivor” or “Big Brother.”
3. I acquired an iPad 2, which is most exciting. With it, I have ordered a keyboard case, so I can blog on the go and avoid these EXTREME BLOGGING HIATI (that’s hiatus plural, not Haiti misspelled, FYI). I haven’t gotten the keyboard case yet, and I am not going to post up using just my pointer fingers on a touchpad, thus the not blogging. However, this new toy, coupled with the untimely and recent death of my iPhone 4 has exposed a glaring inefficiency with my ability to work iTunes. iHated having to admit this at the Apple Store, but when swapping out phones I was concerned my recent backup would not keep my pictures. The Apple Genius explained I could move pictures onto my new phone using iTunes. I explained I didn’t know how to work iTunes. The Apple Genius then told me I could pull pictures using my iPhone as a drive, much like I would a digital camera. I asked if I could drag pictures onto my iPhone that way, and he replied “no, you would have to use iTunes for that,” to which I commented “So Apple’s really got me by the balls here.” He awkwardly laughed and said “Yeah….I didn’t expect the first time I heard that in here that it would come out of a woman’s mouth.” “That’s what she said,” I replied to even more awkward laughter. “Can you show me how to work iTunes?" THE LESSON HERE: I can make anyone feel awkward and uncomfortable at any given time. This is a skill I have refined over many years.
4. It’s College Football Season! Which means that Friday night I was glued to the TCU/Baylor game(more on that later), Sunday night I enjoyed A&M/SMU and Saturday was spent in Austin for the Texas game (more on that later, too). Along with College Football Season comes Tailgate Season and apparently three waters and a Gatorade will not keep you hydrated if you are also drinking beer and frozen adult concoctions for 8 hours. THE LESSON HERE: Screw the Longhorn Network! You can watch the game on closed circuit TV inside Medical Station 10-East at DKR.
5. Since my home typing device (aka martyr laptop) has been ‘otherwise occupied’ I thought I might take some time at work to crank out a few posts, even though apparently that’s against some kind of company policy. Even if I had the guts to try to sneak around this policy, which I don’t, God had other plans.
With His own hand, He managed for there to be a water related crisis at EACH of my portfolios over last week, thus occupying my every waking minute with angry phone calls and the task of having to stand around while city employees worked on pipes and things related to pipes. Turns out my Tenants don’t like it when they don’t have water and will yell at anyone, including people (me) with no control over city utility services, about it. Turns out I don’t like it when Tenants knock over my fire hydrants. Turns out the city utility service people doin't like coming to fix hydrants at 4:00 on the Friday before a three day weekend. Turns out I also don’t like it when said hydrants are repaired improperly and cause geysers to form on other parts of the property, thus making me spend my Labor Day hanging out next to a geyser for seven hours. THE LESSON HERE: Spending 20 hours of your week hanging out near water pipes does not guarantee that Mario and Luigi will pop out from one of them and start hurling spikey turtles at you. What a disappointment.
I feel much better now, having properly explained my EXTREME BLOGGING HIATUS. I hope you were able to cope by re-reading old posts, watching the TCU/Baylor game on a recurring loop and VOTING FOR ME AS DFW’S MOST VALUABLE SPORTS BLOGGER every day, every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment