Okay, maybe this sums it up better.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The Jokes
Since Saturday is the Red River Shootout (okay, Rivlary if you want to be all PC about it...but it's almost impossible for me to pronounce Red River Rivalry) I thought I would get you all pumped up with a few of my favorite Sooner jokes!
It was reported that Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops will only be dressing twenty players for the Texas game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Why is it so difficult to solve a murder in Norman, OK?
All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.
What do they call a crime ring in Norman?
A huddle
Did you hear about the Sooner who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Oklahoma?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
How do they separate the men from the boys at Oklahoma?
With a restraining order.
What's the first thing an Oklahoma girl does when she wakes up in the morning? She walks home
Two University of Oklahoma fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first Oklahoma fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first Oklahoma fan asks, "Why not?" The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oklahoma win a bowl game this year?" The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
 |
| Courtesy of these people... |
It was reported that Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops will only be dressing twenty players for the Texas game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Why is it so difficult to solve a murder in Norman, OK?
All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.
What's the only sign of intelligent life in Norman?
Austin: 370 miles
Austin: 370 miles
A little boy and his mother were walking in a Norman cemetary when they came upon a headstone that read “Here lies an Oklahoma graduate and an honest man.” The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”
What do they call a crime ring in Norman?
A huddle
Did you hear about the Sooner who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
An Sooner ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
How do you get an ou grad off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza!
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Oklahoma?
If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Oklahoma?
If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Oklahoma?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Oklahoma?
Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
How do they separate the men from the boys at Oklahoma?
With a restraining order.
What's the first thing an Oklahoma girl does when she wakes up in the morning? She walks home
Two University of Oklahoma fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first Oklahoma fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first Oklahoma fan asks, "Why not?" The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oklahoma win a bowl game this year?" The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
The House of Pain
Well, there's not a lot to say about the Texas/WVU game last Saturday. It was a heart breaker, but I walked away from it thinking it was an awesome game. Do I wish we had won? Of course.
What was great about the game, is that the crowd was totally into it! Yes, we are often a lackluster crowd. But after comments about the crowd not being very into the games from "Big Hits" Kenny Vaccaro went viral, the Longhorns brought it. It's been four days and my voice is still not right. Students and Alumni alike were on their feet, screaming and loud as heck.
Of course, by now, everyone in the world has heard that midway through the second quarter, Jeffcoat recovered a fumble for a touchdown. While the play was under review, guy-in-booth scrolls through his iPod and queues up the most riot inducing song he can find:
Jump Around by House of Pain.
And riot we did.
Despite the reputation we have at DKR for maybe not being the most intimidating environment, I've seen some incredible games where the crowd was balls out. Missouri in 2008, Oklahoma State in 2004 to name a few.
But I've never seen anything quite like what happened when "Jump Around" came on in DKR Saturday night. It was almost instantaneous. That first little House of Pain scream sent 60,000 of the 101,000 in the stadium to to their feet in an instant. The team went nuts on the field, and the rest of the crowd followed suit.
Even this guy.
Riding home after the game, we discussed 1) the awesomeness of that moment and 2) our relief over the fact that while it would be amazing to see 101,000 people doing "The Cupid Shuffle*" in the stands at DKR, "Jump Around" has much less complicated choreography.
But my favorite thing about that three minutes?
My sister and I were one of the 60K jumping within seconds. As the players and the rest of the crowd caught on, my Dad started eyeballing the situation. He noted there was a very fast and specific reaction to the song, and found himself perplexed and maybe a little bit out of the loop.
He turned to me and asked very seriously "Did I miss something?"
Oh, Augie Father...how I love you.
* By the way, I'm a complete sucker for "The Cupid Shuffle." I irrationally love it, and go out of my way to dance to it every time it comes on at any Mav's game, bowling alley, St. Patrick's Day parade, wedding, bar, gas station...whatever. It instantly energizes a room the way the "Electric Slide" and "The Macarena**" used to. A close second is the "Cha Cha Slide," though it's a bit more complicated and much harder on a torn ACL. Both have excellent YouTube tutorials if you want to thrill the crowd at your next DJ'd event.
** Auto correct really wants this to be Mac Arena. What is that?!
What was great about the game, is that the crowd was totally into it! Yes, we are often a lackluster crowd. But after comments about the crowd not being very into the games from "Big Hits" Kenny Vaccaro went viral, the Longhorns brought it. It's been four days and my voice is still not right. Students and Alumni alike were on their feet, screaming and loud as heck.
Of course, by now, everyone in the world has heard that midway through the second quarter, Jeffcoat recovered a fumble for a touchdown. While the play was under review, guy-in-booth scrolls through his iPod and queues up the most riot inducing song he can find:
Jump Around by House of Pain.
And riot we did.
Despite the reputation we have at DKR for maybe not being the most intimidating environment, I've seen some incredible games where the crowd was balls out. Missouri in 2008, Oklahoma State in 2004 to name a few.
But I've never seen anything quite like what happened when "Jump Around" came on in DKR Saturday night. It was almost instantaneous. That first little House of Pain scream sent 60,000 of the 101,000 in the stadium to to their feet in an instant. The team went nuts on the field, and the rest of the crowd followed suit.
Even this guy.
Riding home after the game, we discussed 1) the awesomeness of that moment and 2) our relief over the fact that while it would be amazing to see 101,000 people doing "The Cupid Shuffle*" in the stands at DKR, "Jump Around" has much less complicated choreography.
But my favorite thing about that three minutes?
My sister and I were one of the 60K jumping within seconds. As the players and the rest of the crowd caught on, my Dad started eyeballing the situation. He noted there was a very fast and specific reaction to the song, and found himself perplexed and maybe a little bit out of the loop.
He turned to me and asked very seriously "Did I miss something?"
Oh, Augie Father...how I love you.
* By the way, I'm a complete sucker for "The Cupid Shuffle." I irrationally love it, and go out of my way to dance to it every time it comes on at any Mav's game, bowling alley, St. Patrick's Day parade, wedding, bar, gas station...whatever. It instantly energizes a room the way the "Electric Slide" and "The Macarena**" used to. A close second is the "Cha Cha Slide," though it's a bit more complicated and much harder on a torn ACL. Both have excellent YouTube tutorials if you want to thrill the crowd at your next DJ'd event.
** Auto correct really wants this to be Mac Arena. What is that?!
Friday, October 05, 2012
The Open Letter: Addendum A
Dear Showband of the Southwest,
I’m a big fan of you, SBOTSW. Can I call you SBOTSW?
I’ve written blogs about you on numerous occasions, praising
your general badassery and clear superiority over other college bands. I’m a huge fan, and think you’re
awesome. Pizza awesome.
Unfortunately, certain behavior over the last two years has
been causing me increasing frustration and confusion. And I’m not the only one. Unfortunately, for both of us, the time has come,
and something must be said.
And yes, SBOTSW, it is unfortunate for both of us. Because now I gotta be the asshole that has
to complain about one of the awesomest bands around.
So, tonight, on the eve of the Texas/WVU game, I make a plea:
Please, please…I beg of you.
Stop playing “The Eyes of Texas” and “Texas Fight” variations
inappropriately at Longhorn football games.
I’m not sure when or why it became okay to play the booming
first nine notes of “The Eyes of Texas” after a second down stop. As far back as I can remember that taunting
tune has been reserved for big stops, most commonly after a big hold on third
down. AFTER. Why suddenly are we playing it after every
other defensive play? Not appropriate.
I’ve held my tongue over the last few years as the sacred taunting
“Eyes” started getting more airtime than “Call Me Maybe.” I
tried to rationalize it. “Is it because
they’re about to play a third down…?”
If you must reduce the awesomeness of the taunting “Eyes,”
then I guess I’ll just deal with it and shut up already. It’s a shame, and it will make me sad,
because I can remember I used to get goosebumps when it was played – it meant something
really badass (stopped third down, blocked field goal, etc) just went down.
 |
| "THAT WAS ONLY THE 2ND DOWN!!" |
But what I heard at the Oklahoma State game last Sunday was
the final straw. When the last second
ran out and the sidelines cleared to the field for handshakes and hugs, you
played “Texas Fight.” This in itself is
not a crime – but do you know what is a crime?
YOU PLAYED IT LAZY.
I was shocked. Were
we watching the same game? In the game I
was watching, Texas won by five points with the go ahead score landing in the
final 30 seconds. Were you at a
different game? Perhaps one where we
were winning by 30 points?
I cringed when I heard that.
I was embarrassed. It wasn’t ok.
It’s kind of like when the Oklahoma State fans started
shaking their keys at the beginning of the fourth quarter… after achieving their
first lead since two minutes into the game.
And a whopping lead, at that. Of…five?
Inappropriate. It’s not the first time in recent history I’ve
flinched when you played it lazy, but it was the most cringe worthy. Bad enough to make me say something.
There was a time when Mack Brown led Texas to two BCS Title
Games, taking home the crystal football in one.
Of those 12 seasons, three had nine wins, three had 10 wins, three had
11 wins, one had 12 wins and two had 13.
From 1998 to 2009, we were often tearing our opponents up by 40+
points. I’m okay with a little lazy “Texas Fight”
with that kind of win.
I’m hoping that maybe all of the personnel and a lot of you
SBOTSWs are young and/or new – maybe you don’t remember or weren’t here before
the mess that was 2010.
Whatever the case, I’m begging you SBOTSW, pleading with
you. I’d like to bring back the sanctity
of the taunting “Eyes,” but please, please stop playing “Texas Fight” lazy unless
it’s appropriate.
It’s a weapon that, when used wrong, reinforces the stereotypes
that Texas fans are arrogant and entitled.
I don’t mind a little swagger. But let’s make sure we’ve earned it.
Hook ‘Em,
Beth
The Fifth Week
A Whole Big Nation of Week
Five
Most Enjoyable
The TCU at SMU game
was played despite a pretty crazy rainstorm.
As the commentators … uh, commentated … on how the weather would affect
the players and the game, there was a time frame of about 90 seconds of
repeated talk about “wet balls” including “on Thursdays, TCU handles wet balls
exclusively” followed by an abrupt
silence. I’m not trying to sound
immature here, but it was unintentional and awkward comedy at its finest.
Least Enjoyable
TCU won that game.
Through week five,
the Big 12 is putting up some impressive statistics on Offense and Scoring
Offense. West Virginia and the passing
robot Geno Smith are getting the most press, but the top scoring rankings are
dominated by Big 12 Teams:
TOTAL OFFENSE
Rank
|
Name
|
Games
|
Plays
|
Yds
|
Avg
|
TDs
|
Ydspgm
|
Wins
|
Losses
|
Ties
|
1
|
4
|
334
|
2636
|
7.89
|
29
|
659.00
|
2
|
2
|
0
|
|
2
|
4
|
327
|
2406
|
7.36
|
29
|
601.50
|
3
|
1
|
0
|
|
3
|
4
|
304
|
2394
|
7.88
|
30
|
598.50
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
8
|
4
|
327
|
2188
|
6.69
|
22
|
547.00
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
23
|
4
|
294
|
1983
|
6.74
|
26
|
495.75
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
25
|
3
|
217
|
1475
|
6.80
|
15
|
491.67
|
2
|
1
|
0
|
Rank
|
Name
|
Games
|
Points
|
Avg
|
TDs
|
Kxp
|
Oxp
|
Dkxp
|
Doxp
|
FG
|
Sf
|
Wins
|
Losses
|
Ties
|
1
|
4
|
223
|
55.75
|
29
|
28
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
7
|
0
|
2
|
2
|
0
|
|
2
|
4
|
217
|
54.25
|
29
|
28
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
5
|
0
|
3
|
1
|
0
|
|
3
|
4
|
212
|
53.00
|
30
|
29
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
1
|
0
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
9
|
4
|
189
|
47.25
|
26
|
24
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
3
|
0
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
11
|
4
|
175
|
43.75
|
22
|
22
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
7
|
0
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
19
|
4
|
162
|
40.50
|
21
|
21
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
5
|
0
|
4
|
0
|
0
|
|
28
|
3
|
112
|
37.33
|
15
|
13
|
0
|
0
|
0
|
3
|
0
|
2
|
1
|
0
|
In keeping, with my week
of statistics, the Big 12 is looking like big boys on the offensive side
not only as teams, but individuals. Seven
of the nation’s most efficient passers crack the top 25…
Passing Efficiency -
Individual
Rank
|
Player
|
Pos
|
Cl
|
Gm
|
Patt
|
Pcomp
|
Comppct
|
Int
|
Intpct
|
Pyds
|
Ydspatt
|
TDs
|
TDpct
|
Rating
|
1
|
QB
|
SR
|
4
|
169
|
141
|
83.43
|
0
|
.00
|
1728
|
10.22
|
20
|
11.83
|
208.37
|
|
2
|
QB
|
SO
|
4
|
109
|
85
|
77.98
|
1
|
.92
|
1007
|
9.24
|
10
|
9.17
|
184.03
|
|
4
|
QB
|
SO
|
4
|
78
|
52
|
66.67
|
2
|
2.56
|
797
|
10.22
|
8
|
10.26
|
181.22
|
|
5
|
QB
|
JR
|
4
|
97
|
64
|
65.98
|
1
|
1.03
|
948
|
9.77
|
10
|
10.31
|
180.03
|
|
9
|
QB
|
SR
|
4
|
157
|
100
|
63.69
|
5
|
3.18
|
1585
|
10.10
|
16
|
10.19
|
175.76
|
|
13
|
QB
|
SR
|
4
|
147
|
105
|
71.43
|
3
|
2.04
|
1189
|
8.09
|
15
|
10.20
|
168.96
|
|
17
|
QB
|
SR
|
4
|
80
|
56
|
70.00
|
2
|
2.50
|
758
|
9.48
|
5
|
6.25
|
165.22
|
40 Acres of Week Five
Who’s a Big Boy?
Well, I’m not really
sure. I’d like to say Mike Gundy, but
really, “HE’S A MAN! HE’S 45!” The fiasco that was Bergeron’s touchdown in
the last minute of the game left the Cowboys angry. Gundy, in the tradition of Bo Pelini wonders why
the referees haven’t made a personal appearance to explain calls to him:
“Gundy said he didn't get an explanation of the
ruling on the play, although he admitted he hadn't sought one out on his own.
He said he ''can't imagine that they wouldn't'' contact him to discuss the play
further.”
Run DJ, Run!
DJ Monroe's 100-yard
kick return for a touchdown in the 1st quarter marked the 4th 100 yard kick
return TD in school history, and the third of DJ's career. We should just do that every time. Except this week, since that means we’d be
giving the ball back to the killer WVU passing team.
Happy the Man That Catches the Ball
Two words: Jaxon
Shipley
I’d Trade Magic Beans For…
Hugs. And by hugs I mean our guys wrapping up and executing
tackles, all the time, all the time.
“We had 12 missed
tackles on seven plays (against Oklahoma State). Three missed tackles equaled
109 yards,’’ said Head Coach Mack Brown. “We’ll give up 70 (points) this weekend if we
don’t tackle better than we did (last week).’’
Uh, yeah, we know. So let’s…just….not.
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