The Holidays

The last ball has been snapped and the last Gatorade of the regular season has been drunken. My last Gatorade of the regular season had vodka in it…and based on the second half of the Texas game against Baylor, I’m wondering if Blake Gideon’s did also.

I’m not saying it’s Blake’s fault at all. He just seems like the kind of guy that likes vodka.

As I predicted way in the early days of the season, we lost to Baylor. It wasn’t a big shocker or anything, but it was a little disappointing…especially considering that the ‘Horns seemed to really come out to play in that first half. But, alas, we did not pull it together.

At least we made RGIII look good enough that he was able to bring the Heisman back to the Big XII. On that topic, it would have been pretty upsetting if he hadn’t had won. You can’t tell me that any other player was more valuable to his team this season…not without me thinking that you’re a biased fibber, anyway. I will say the best thing about watching the Heisman ceremony this year was that no Sooners were among the nominees, so I didn’t have to listen to Billy Sims shout out “Boomer” intermittently throughout the evening, thus cementing my inkling that many Oklahoma fans only know three words: Boomer, Sooner and Oklahoma.

This reminds me of a weekend a few years back. Debra, Kacie had gone with our friend “Shotski” to Oklahoma to visit her mom’s lake house. We were also celebrating Shotski’s mom’s engagement that weekend. After a day on the lake, we ended up going out to a few of the local bars to drink lots of shots and sing karaoke. While at the karaoke bar, we encountered this fellow:

Bless his heart, there are so many things wrong with this picture…you may not be able to tell he’s only wearing one shoe. In his defense, we had brought the blow up doll. This is the kind of guy I imagine screaming “Boomer” at some inappropriate place…like during the swearing in of a politician or a funeral.

But, back to the season…The ‘Horns are headed off to the Holiday Bowl, which is a bowl at least. Maybe Major Applewhite will get that old Holiday Bowl feeling and make some magic happen.

As for the BCS Championship game, I probably won’t watch it. I’ve already seen that game and it wasn’t all that great the first time around. While I’m not against a rematch game as the title game, I do think Oklahoma State was robbed by not being selected. I almost get the feeling that it was decided long before OSU thrashed OU. I do think that Mike Gundy is going to go all “I’m a man!” on Paul Rhoads if he ever happens upon him in a bar. Damn the birds with teeth! The Cowboys were just one tornadic event away from the big game and I understand that pain and feel bad for them.

In other bowls…TCU did manage to squeak out a win against WAC Powerhouse Louisiana Tech in the Poinsettia Bowl. Not that I’m making fun – in fact, I’m surprised Sonny Dykes wasn’t snapped up to a more high profile coaching position with all the shake-ups this season. I think he’s done a great job. My not-so favorite coach Gary Patterson, I noticed did for once give his team some ‘positive’ credit after the win. "They found a way to win," Patterson said.

Wow, coach. Those are words you can really take to heart. Hopefully no one let’s their cats eat the poinsettias.

Big props to the NCAA for handing out a pretty stout punishment to Ohio State – no post season in 2012 and the loss of three scholarships for the next three years. Not quite the backhanding USC got, but not the slap on the wrist that I think Ohio State (and Urban Meyer) were expecting. Of course, when things get tough, Meyer will just retire for health reasons again…until the next head coaching job of his dreams comes up.

As for me, I’m ready for Christmas! I love this time of year. Family, food, presents and most importantly…sleep. Between wrapping up deadlines and work and finally catching this bug that’s been flitting around my office for the last two months, I’m planning to sleep for a good 78% of my holiday time off. The “Three Holiday B’s” (that’s Benadryl, Bailey’s and Blankie) are already packed in my car as I anxiously await the work day to end.

Side note: I had finally had it with this bug and decided to go to the doctor. They were pretty sure I had a cold, the flu, a sinus infection and the bubonic plague, so I was subsequently given Tami flu, antibiotics, codeine cough syrup and a steroid shot. The cute male RN came in to administer the shot and said without preamble “I’m Beau. I’m here to give you a shot. Please unbutton your pants and lay on your side, facing me.” Uh, what Beau…no dinner first? Not even a shot of that codeine cough syrup?” I obliged (not because I’m easy, so much, as that I was really sick) and Beau walked me through the administration of the shot. “I’m going to put it right here, at just the tip of your Come and Take It star. I have to say, despite the fact that he was pumping me full of steroids, Beau might be my new hero for 1) recognizing the Come and Take It canon, which has been lovingly tattooed in that general area and 2) managing to say ‘just the tip’ in an uncomfortable situation and not make me feel more uncomfortable. Beau has the magic touch. I had barely made it from the doctor’s office to the pharmacy to my bed before I passed out like the dead for roughly 13 hours.

Let’s just say I would not have survived very long in the olden days.

Aaaand, on that note…from all of us here at Adventures of a Football Girl (and by all of us, I mean me and my multiple personalities), may your Holidays be filled with “The Three Holiday B’s” and your bellies filled with ham, fudge, cookies shaped like snowmen and Manischewitz.

The Sock Monkey Hat

Debra gave me a sock monkey hat for Christmas at lunchtime yesterday.

I’ve been wearing it at my desk in the office for the last two days.   Strangely, no one seems to think this is all that strange.

I think this may be a comment on my personality.

And not a good one.

The Band Director

I’ve done my share of stalkerish, weird crazy things to famous and quasi-famous people. And when I say I’ve done strange stuff, I’m not talking “can I have your autograph?” or “can I take a picture with you?” I mean unusual. Yet, never has one person seemed more scared of me than Dr. Robert Carnochan, University of Texas Band Director, on Thanksgiving night.

Dr. Carnochan should feel lucky. I mean, all I wanted was a picture. And to declare that he’s my favorite. And to tell him that I blog about him. But only that one time and not in a creepy way.

I mean, I didn’t do to him like I did Sandra Bullock that time. See…back in college, Sandra Bullock was producing/directing/starring in Miss Congeniality 2. I wanted to work on the movie, like on the crew, so I sent in a rather…unusual resume. Basically it was a bunch of charts and graphs displaying why I would be fabulous for her crew. Then, I made a CD with soothing music over which I dubbed things like “Beth Burke would make a fine addition to your production staff” and “Beth Burke is a hard worker.” Then I made a label calling the CD “Subliminal Messages” which I then crossed out and relabeled “Sleeping Music.” It was amazing. Of course, I never heard from Sandy. And I’ve never been a fine member of her production staff.

Then there’s the instance of Owen Wilson. One night whilst drinking at The Loon in Dallas, I walked out of the bathroom and turned a sharp corner at which point I literally smacked faces with this blonde brother. We are pretty much exactly the same height (which I’m sure is not surprising to anyone) so for all practical purposes, we smacked heads concussion style…both of us managing to preserve the heavily poured libations we carried. I still take credit for breaking his nose. Anyhoo. Later, I was standing in a sort of gauntlet area of the bar, at which Don Nelson and Owen Wilson stood on opposite ends. Knowing that two local Dallas celebs can’t be in the same place without being big buddies, I held my ground knowing I would get another brush with fame. When Owen made his way through the gauntlet, I suddenly became the most awesome and amazing girl in the room…because he stopped. Then he turned and spoke to me. “You be careful now, alright?” he said in a teasing scold. I nodded mutely. He turned to walk by and I stopped him. I held out my hand and touched his elbow. “WAIT!” I yelled. He stopped, turned back and looked me square in the face. “I loved you in The Cable Guy!” I blurted out tactlessly. A shadow crossed his face. Not quite anger, but something. All movement and speaking in the room stopped. It was like in an episode of “Saved By the Bell” when Zack Morris would do a time-out and everyone would freeze. (Let me explain for an instant here – Kacie and I have always sworn we would play the game “I loved you in” when we met a celebrity. You know, where you tell a famous person you “loved them in” the most obscure movie they were in, as a way to kind of insult them…? This was the first celebrity I’d run in to since we made this pact. And indeed, he was in The Cable Guy.  For about three minutes. Poor Owen must have been confused…Wedding Crashers had just come out and he was riding the fame wave and dating Kate Hudson.) Owen handled it pretty well, and all activity in the bar resumed shortly after he answered me with a “That’s pretty cool. No one’s ever done that before.” He walked away and I hightailed it out of the bar, being sure to go out on top.

So there’s two kind of scary things I’ve done. There are more. I also stalked Major Applewhite through the majority of his college career. Luckily he didn’t remember me last August when I saw him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten this awesome picture:

Now, as I’ve blogged before, I’m a big fan of this Dr. Robert Carnochan character. He’s like this bad-ass band director, just playing whenever and whatever he wants. For two straight trips to Mizzou, he enraged the Tiger crowd by playing over their beloved waltzes and fight songs with an evil little smirk and a shoulder shrug. Kacie, Debra and I love him.

So when we got to our seats at Kyle Field and realized that we were right next to the band, I took the opportunity to drag the girls over to where he stood on his little ladder and insist they take pictures of him and me.

“Sir!” I yelled to him on his perch. “Will you take a picture with me?” He looked at me strangely, and I realized that probably people not associated with the band or program probably don’t usually ask him for pictures. I didn’t care. He agreed and began to make his way over to us while I blathered on. “You’re such a bad-ass! You’re my favorite! I think you’re awesome!” he looked at me calmly until the kicker “I blogged about you last week.”

Dr. Cornochan tried not to look scared when he said “That’s….creepy. But okay!”

What a good sport. We posed for our picture and thanked him. His smile only wavered slightly as when we walked away Debra did a turnaround and added “We loved what you did in Missouri!”

Hey, it's good to have fans!

The Game

A little time has passed since the Texas / Texas A&M game this Thanksgiving.  As I predicted, it was a battle of mediocre giants...fueled with highly charged emotions and bitter feelings.

There were a ton of small moments that made the game a memorable and wonderful one.  Aside from the overt happiness of winning, here are some highlights from the day.

Early on in the day, I had a feeling it would be great.  How did I know?  Because somewhere outside of College Station, Debra was loosely accused of shoplifting at a gas station.  Of course, it was a complete misunderstanding, but Kacie and I were not helpful, and as the forgetful/skeptical employees questioned Debra about if she was planning to pay for her treasures (cowboy hat, Santa Clause belly ring...) we both yelled "THIEF" in unison.  Heh.  Still, what you expect when you're a rival in College Station?  Especially a ....

... Longhorn.  About an hour into the tailgate, a trailer pulled up with a Longhorn inside.  After a few initial moments of EXCITEMENT, we noticed the trailer and car were all A&M'd out.  It was then that as a group, we felt fear.  And anger.  We immediately assumed that these Aggies were going to either brand the poor fellow or, even worse, saw it's horns off right there in the parking lot.   We could not let this happen, and wandered over to said Aggies and bovine to find out the scoop.  Turns out it was just an Aggie and his pet Longhorn, Bullwinkle. MLIA.  Bullwinkle was a sweet guy, letting people sit on his saddle for pictures.  While posing for my picture (I chose to stand next to him), Bullwinkle kept turning his head away.  After a few futile attempts to get his attention camera-side, Bullwinkle's wrangler (probably a 12 year old kid) told me, "oh, just pull on his horn."  Oh, honey. In an effort to help this kid later in life, I explained to him that this is NEVER okay to say.  Much less do.  Aside from some decorations, Bullwinkle was not subjected to anything that would land him at ....

.... McDonald's.  Particularly the McDonald's in College Station.  The poor, open, one-worker McDonald's, where we spent, I'm not kidding you, at least 45 minutes in the drive thru line.  Happy Thanksgiving to you, overwhelmed/overworked McEmployee.  After ordering an insane amount of food, Debra insisted that she also receive her Coca-Cola holiday glasses.  I kind of felt bad for him until we realized he didn't bother to give us enough straws.  Luckily, Debra keeps 3 foot long straws in her car, and Kacie had scissors.  After settling in for a sleepless night at America's Best Value Inn, we merrily consumed our McMeals, including McHoliday ...

.... Pies.  And turkey and all the fixins'.  I was so surprised when we pulled up to the tailgate and the whole crew was there!  We'd had some doubts, after the last terrible game at home, as to weather the CATI crew would come out, but they were there in full force with a Thanksgiving feast.  It was such a nice time with the peeps, enjoying gobbly goods and playing flip cup.  It was the perfect pre-cursor to the perfect ...

... win.  Yes, I know, I've gone on and on about how both teams were mediocre, but a win is a win.  Especially a win at Kyle Field.  Especially a win at the last Lone Star Showdown as we know it.  Especially a win that the Aggies wanted SO VERY BADLY.  I secretly felt that the Aggies were doomed from the start, as they were all wearing shirts with the date on them.  This is bad luck, as we learned the hard way at the Ohio State game in Austin a few years back.  There were a variety of shirts, some of them were amusing.  One was very confusing:  on the back it said "Texas isn't big enough for the two of us."  Wait - what?  Is one of the schools LEAVING TEXAS?!  This is new and geographically disturbing news.  Despite Aggie confusion over the difference between a STATE and a CONFERENCE, overall we were in good company.  No fights broke out in our section, even after that glorious field goal soared through for the win.  As I stood in silent exhilaration, most Ags chose not to yell obscenities at me.  Though there was a lot of ....

... hissing.  What is that all about?!  When I asked on Aggie in my section what was up with the hissing, he went into this long explanation about how they were like rattlesnakes who were mad and hissed.  This was followed with "We don't boo, we hiss."  Hmm.  If this is the case, isn't hissing just the same as booing?  I don't understand.  I suppose normally when the Texas band exits the field, the Aggies hiss at them.  Of course, this year, after Texas played "Thanks For The Memories" while handing over the A&M Big XII flag, and A&M made a giant Bevo on the field and then proceeded to "saw it's 'Horns off", the Ags would have looked even jack-assier had they done so.  "That wasssssss a nice show."  Of course, hissing was abound after the game, mostly aimed at the ...

... referees have had a tough season in the Big XII.  Of course, the Ags are certain the refs had it out for them and rigged the game.  Now, I'll agree...there were some bad calls.  And I felt like there were bad calls on both sides of he ball.  I get it....I can feel the Aggie pain, But I also wasn't too upset about it.  The two Texas games prior to A&M were also riddled with bad calls, mostly on us.  So while I acknowledge it sucks, I don't feel to sad for them.  I also don't think that game (or the two prior I just mentioned) was decided by calls.  That rarely happens.  Unless you're Nebraska.  At least the Ags had something to grumble about as they left ...

... Kyle Field is an interesting stadium.  It has four entrances and four bathrooms.  The poorly designed tunnels have staircases that lead directly into concession stands.  Also, you have to enter and exit the stadium though what I refer to as the Aggie Rape Tunnel.  Once you exit the Aggie Rape Tunnel, you are immediately stopped by the police, as the Aggie Rape Tunnel exits directly into the only exit of the parking  garage.  Not logistically smart.  All I know is I didn't pee for about seven hours, because I didn't have eight hours to wait in line to pee.  Another strange thing about Kyle Field is that you can just go out on the field after the game.  In fact, sometimes to get to your seat, you are forced to walk on the field.  Very bizarre.  Regardless, as promised, the CATI crew met on the 50 for a celebratory picture.   What you may not know, is that after the picture, Debra, in an effort to take a little Kyle Field Magic home with her, squatted down to take a little grass from the field.  In doing this, she stopped immediately in the route of a kid who was playing catch with his dad.  I didn't see the actual tackle, but I turned around and Debra was sprawled out on the field on top of a little boy.  I immediately did a 360, looking for Chris Hansen.  When neither he or Sandusky were in sight, I turned back to the scene.  Debra had gotten herself up and was towering over said boy-holding-football.  When he just stared at her, she got crazy eyes and yelled "CHILD!" before boy-holding-football's father intervened and apologized. It was about 90 seconds of hilarity that can never be reproduced.

As you can see...a successful trip.  Too bad it wasn't the last game of the season....because I'm tired of losing to Baylor.  But of course, that's a different Adventure.