The Away Game Shirt

This was the big game. Texas at Nebraska, for the last time together in the BIG XII. Cornhuskers were mad. At the end of the previous season, Texas beat Nebraska with a last (and I mean last) second field goal to win the BIG XII title and advance to the BCS National Championship.

This game was the hottest ticket in the country. The rivalry combined with last year’s controversy, Nebraska’s export from the BIG XII and their high ranking made for the perfect storm.

For some reason, we really had Nebraska’s number since the inception of the BIG XII:

• 1996: Texas over Nebraska – BIG XII Championship. The Horns saw victory as the first BIG XII Champions by beating the Huskers for the first time since 1959.
• 1998: Texas over Nebraska – in Lincoln. Texas broke the Nebraska home game winning streak of 47 games.
• 1999: Nebraska over Texas – BIG XII Championship. Fine, you can have it, Huskers. I was there when Bevo took a crap bigger than Frank Solich in your endzone.
• 1999: Texas over Nebraska – In Austin. Coming from a 10 point halftime deficit. First home win for the Horns (#18) over a top five team (Nebraska, #3) since 1990.
• 2002: Texas over Nebraska – in Lincoln. Texas breaks Nebraska’s 28 home game winning streak – no one had beaten the Huskers at home since Texas did in 1998.
• 2003: Texas over Nebraska – in Austin. Texas held Nebraska to its fewest yards since 1991.
• 2006: Texas over Nebraska – in Lincoln. Not a pretty season for either team, frankly.
• 2007: Texas over Nebraska – in Austin. Mack Brown’s 100th win at Texas’ head coach.
• 2009: Texas over Nebraska – BIG XII Championship. “Controversial” last second field goal secures a Texas win and sends them to the BCS Championship.
• 2010: ?! We shall see….

With this in mind, we tread cautiously to Lincoln for the game. I had somehow managed to get 10 tickets from a fellow alumni , which pretty much enabled half of our tailgating friends to join us in the bleachers.

With losses to Oklahoma and UCLA under our belts, we felt this was not the time to be overly confident. We knew those two games would be the first of many losses in 2010. Nebraska, still fuming over last December’s BIG XII Championship game, were mad, and felt in their heart of hearts that it was time to beat us. Texas was unranked at this point, with Nebraska sitting at #5 halfway through their last BIG XII season.

As soon as I arrived in Omaha, I sensed something strange about his Nebraska culture. I had never been to Lincoln before, but had heard the lore of Nebraska fans. They were touted as the “Nicest fans in the BIG XII” with the “Best Sportsmanship” and the “Friendliest Stadium”. Rumor has it that when the opponent leaves the field, they stand and clap, win or lose. They did so, based on the code, which they wore proudly on their shirts:

Dear Lord, in the battles as we go through life;

We ask for a field that's fair.

A chance that's equal to all in the strife;

The courage to do it or dare.

If we should win, let it be by the code;

With our faith and honor held high.

If we should lose, let us stand by the rules;

And cheer as the winners go by.

Day by day we get better and better;

A team that can't be beat, won't be beat.

And the Huskers didn’t disappoint. From the moment we arrived burnt- orange-clad in the bar, the Huskers fell all over themselves to make sure we were having a good time. Even their attempts to insult the Longhorns even fell short of mean:

Husker: You’re going to lose tomorrow.
Me: Probably. You guys are pretty good.
Husker: But….(confused by my lack of argument) your defense is really good.
Me: Meh, not really. We’re not even ranked…y’all are #5!
Husker: Well, I mean, you guys have beat us 7 out of the last 8 games….
Me: Yeah, we’re probably due for a loss to y’all.
Husker: But –
My Sister: Dude, whatever you’re looking for here, you’re not gonna find it.

Though deep down in my heart I felt like we were going to win, I would never say as much out loud. Not here. After a night of beer drinking, we headed back to the hotel.

In the morning, we left for Lincoln. It was a pleasant drive. As we neared our hotel, the streets became wild with Red and Black, Huskers in full force. Corn everywhere! The closer we got to the hotel, the more apparent it became that perhaps we had chosen the wrong hotel. In our attempts to secure our Hilton Employee Rates, we had neglected to note that this was the Official Hotel of the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

It. Was. Nuts. We. Felt. Fear.

Quickly we realized our fears were for naught. Within two minutes of checking our bags, we were accosted by a Nebraska fan and his father. They introduced us to their ENTIRE FAMILY. They bought us giant sized beers and orange and white beads. They introduced us to their friends. All the while asking “Have you had fun in Lincoln? Has everyone been nice to you?” We assured them that our experience, having been all of 12 minutes so far, had been great.

After securing an invitation to the ‘most awesome tailgate in Lincoln’ and sufficient details to describe it, we managed to untangle ourselves from the Brady Bunch and head towards tailgating to find our friends. As we wove our way through masses of Huskers handing us beers, it was clear that these fans LOVED VISITORS. We kept asking the friendly masses where a certain location was. “Under the via-duct!” they called at us as they tossed us t-shirts and jello shots. “Have you had a good time in Lincoln? Is everyone being nice?” We assured them we’d been treated like royalty, and several times we paused for pictures with our foes. We traded sunglasses, we looked at each others’ boots and they gave us wristbands to tailgates!

Then we started a new line of questioning “What’s a via-duct?” This question was met with less certainty, until we were able to infer that “the via-duct” was just a fancy way to say “the overpass”. Back through the corn-fed masses we swerved. Somehow, we managed to make our way to the overpass, and in an even bigger streak of luck, we were able to find our tailgating friends. All was right with Longhorn Pre-Gaming.

At the actual game, most of the fans were pretty nice. There’s always bad apples, but the majority of the taunts to us were “Have you had a good time? Has everyone been nice? Isn’t the stadium great?”

About as dirty as we heard was some mockery of how uneducated the Longhorn Fans were based on some of our chants like “Texas! Fight!” While true, most football chants are simple in nature, I must point out that being able to yell “GO! BIG! RED!” did not ensure your status as a rocket-surgeon.

The only thing I will say, is that when the Huskers did not achieve their desired outcome of the game, our team was not clapped off the field politely. So much for the honor code. But if that’s the extent of their bad sportsmanship, I have to admit, they’re way up on us…and practically in heaven compared to Texas Tech.

Still, even after the Horns came out victorious, for being the only Orange in a sea of Red, we were treated very well, and repeatedly asked about it. This time though, they had added to the questioning even more “Are you having fun? Has everyone been nice? Isn’t the stadium great? Did you have fun at the game?” As nice as they were, it was starting to get a little annoying. Also, how do you respond to that last one “Yes, we enjoyed beating you on your home field, which, by the way, is lovely. And your fans were great, if a little quiet with shock!”

By the time we got back to the hotel, the questioning had reached Threat-Level: Burnt Orange. We made our way to the room, bathed ourselves and calmed down a little, away from the incessant questioning. In the lobby, the party was raging. Husker Central was in full effect, and the crowd couldn’t be nicer. After snagging a beer, we watched the elevators and cheered as they lined up just right, revealing the “Go Big Red” logo in their windows.

....just before the threat of sodomy...

We headed out to a particular bar, being told it was cool because it was a little off the beaten path. It was pretty cool. Live band, awesome fire pit/fountain in the middle of the patio. We had a great time chatting with the Huskers. We noted their questions had become less frequent and contained more expletives. A day of drinking, sun and losing had taken their toll, and the children of the corn were starting to resent the loss a little bit.

When the bar fight started, we just went ahead and skittadelled out of there. Having barely survived an alcohol and lust enraged brawl in Lubbock earlier that season, we knew it was best not to be the enemy in a hostile environment. Otherwise, someone could end up kicking you in the face with their boot.

We headed back to the main strip of bars and hopped from one to the other until it was clear we had overstayed our welcome in Lincoln. On the walk back to Huskerville, a few of the fine Nebraska fans suggested that as Texas fans, it was their duty to sodomize us. We went ahead and let them pass us, so we could keep an eye on them as we went the final two blocks to our hotel.

After a night of sleep and ESPN College Football highlights, we journeyed to the breakfast buffet to secure our post-game omelets and sausage. Lo and behold, upon entering the elevator, Debra and I were immediately accosted by some well meaning Huskers. “Did you have fun at the game? Did you enjoy Lincoln? How about the Stadium? Was everyone nice to you?” We nodded and cast our eyes down rather than destroy the truth these fans held so dear about their fellow Nebraskans. “Yes, thank you.”

By the time breakfast was over and we loaded ourselves back in the car, we had begun preemptively answering the questions before anyone could actually speak them to us.

Not surprisingly, as we got some distance on Lincoln, we realized it was all true. And to celebrate the truth of the road trip, and the many more that would come, we had shirts made up that said so. The fronts read: This is my away game shirt. And on the back, the hallowed words: Your stadium is gorgeous! Your fans are so gracious! I’ve had so much fun in your city!

If you're going to wear that hat....

The the months between Texas winning the BCS title and the enigma of a season that followed, many Longhorn fans were what I can only refer to as a real hot mess. Finally, we had a reason to be all of those things our rivals and critics had been calling us for years! Entitled...check! Arrogant? You betcha! Egotistical? Cocky? Annoying? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that Longhorn football fans weren't those things during other seasons.  We certainly can be...but in our defense, we can also be (reference seasons 1997 and 2010) dedicated and loyally masochistic.  Not an entirely evil burnt orange nation.

But back to the hot mess.  Horn fans were running around wildly adorned with our BCS Champions Hats and our rose embossed shirts.  Champions!  After all of the quarterback controversies and post season meltdowns, we had finally one the big one!  We had beaten the golden team with the golden player who got the little golden trophy!  We were the little (longhorn pulled) engines that could...and did.

One night in January, clad in burnt orange of course, myself, my sister Kacie and our friend Debra were cruising down Beltline in Addison, Texas in a mis-guided attempt to find a tattoo parlor that would not only tattoo us, but not kick us out.  But that's a different story.

High off victories over Ohio State and Michigan, we felt we still retained bragging rights over these non-conference foes.  After all, at that point, niether of them had beaten us in recent years.  In the spirit of new and friendly rivalries, we'd even taken to joining in on their chants (O-H-I-O) and singing their fight songs (Hail to the Victors Valliant...)  Unfortunately we'd also picked up another, less friendly habit....of mocking the town in which their school is located and calling it a whore.

Now, let's be fair.  We learned this particular habit from the t-shirt of an Ohio State fan.  And even if we hadn't: your town is named after a lady.  All's fair in love and football.  It didn't take Michigan too particularly long to adapt to the rocket-surgery insult that is throwing Horns down.

So I'll just say it.  Anytime we saw a Michigan fan we would taunt them.  "Ann Arbor is a whore!"  We're very classy like that, and there's no excusing it.  It doesn't help that just south of Dallas, on I-35 (the road from Dallas to Austin) there is an exit for a street named "Ann Arbor", causing us to ridiculously shout it when we pass by, even with nary a wolverine in sight.

Most victims of our classless mockery at least chuckle.  Some act really offended and try to talk trash about Austin and how it's full of hippies (oh no! not hippies!).  Others head straight for the jugular and insult our actual football team.  At the very least, it generally sparks a lively college football discussion. 

This particular night as we drove, who should we pull up next to?  A true (maize and) blue MICHIGAN FAN.  We were very excited to call his fair city a dirty name.  We gazed at the car with Michigan plates, a Michigan Alum sticker, and a Wolverine logo.  We peered into the tinted windows and what did we see?  A Michigan Wolverines Hat!  And T-shirt!  It was AMAZING!

Feeling hilarious, we were so excited as Debra made the international sign for 'roll down your window' after rolling down her own.  This red light was going to be the best red light ever!!  Wolverine rolled down his window.  We looked at each other excitedly!  Who was going to say it? How was he going to react? How awesome are we?!  Like I said before, hot mess.

Being unable to communicate through our excitement we all yelled almost at the same time "Ann Arbor is a WHORE!" then burst into uncontrollable giggling.  Wolverine looked at us, confused.  Debra, taking the lead, assumed he couldn't understand us since we had all shouted at once.  In an effort to make sure Wolverine was in on the joke, she slowed it down.  "Ann Arbor is a whore," she said very calmly as Kacie and I snickered at our cleverness.

But Wolverine continued to stare blank faced at us.  Debra slowed it down even more, as if she was speaking to a third grader or a USC Trojan.  "Ann ... Arbor? (head nod, as if to signal recognition of words) ... is a .... whore (more nodding)?"  At this point the three of us have stopped laughing and we're the ones with the confused looks on our faces.

What happened next still perplexes me.  The Wolverine - in his wolverine car and his wolverine shirt and his wolverine hat - was still looking at us like we were aliens or possibly mentally challenged (ok, that last part is fair), when he finally opened his mouth to speak: "Who's Ann Arbor?"

Without a word, Debra rolled up the window as we found ourselves immediately sober and frankly, a little sad.  Mercifully the light changed and we were able to leave the situation immediately.

People might call Longhorn fans arrogant, egotistical and entitled.  Which we may be.  But at least we know in what city you can find our home stadium.

Preamblings....

Don't let the title mislead you.  I am not appropriate as a football player. 

I can barely remember the fax number at work, let alone intricate plays and routes.  I have a hard time remembering what beats what in poker, so I'm sure those giant play calling posters that mean different things at different angles when different people are holding them would not work for me. Calling audibles?  Not my thing.  I'm about as stubborn as they come and would find unplanned changes at the line of scrimmage about as welcome as a missed period.

Let's not even get into the physical aspect.  If you've so much as laid eyes on me, you know I am likely to run only when I am volleying for the last Miller Light or being chased by a murderer.  Not to mention I would likely injur myself trying to get into my uniform and would never make it to the field in one piece.

But I am (some might say) a football girl. I have a team I love.  I know their history, I stalk their players.  I email their coaches and attend all their games. Some may call me a fanatic, but we all know there was never a fanatic who didn't start out as a fan!

Being a lady football fan has it's perks.  Being a lady football fanatic has it's hilarity.  I thought it was time to share with the world some of my Adventures as a Football Girl....

DISCLAIMER:  The stories are all true but the details are fuzzy.  These are my memories...as I chose to remember them.