The Date

At some point during the viewing of the ever so painful 7th game of the World Series, Debra turned to me with the ultimate would you rather:

“Would you rather go on a date with Gary Patterson or Bo Pelini?”

Hmm. My immediate response was “Hands down, Bo Pelini.” Then, as they always do, the wheels in my mind began to churn.

Churn….Gary is better looking.

Churn….I hate him.

Churn….Bo Pelini would probably make me eat corn and only corn on our date. He might even make me go pick it, shuck it and have it prepared, they way they do at restaurants with tanks full of lobsters.

Churn…I don’t want to go to Nebraska.

Churn…I don’t have any purple to wear.

Churn…Pelini breathes with his mouth open. He probably chews that way too.

Churn…churn…churn.

I ultimately decided that perhaps I should take the date with Patterson. My mind began to formulate a plan. Patterson picks me up, takes me to Al Bernait’s. After a nice wedge salad and a steak and shrimp combo, I order cheesecake. Immediately following a healthy serving of a crumbly graham cracker crust, I will excuse myself to powder my nose, then hop in a cab and hike it home.

It’s not very ladylike, but I feel it would be a healthy dosage of his own medicine. See how it feels to be left high and dry, much in the same way he does when he singles out his players after losses.

I know, not nice. But you can’t not play “would you rather.”

After divulging my plans, Debra made the comment to “be sure and pin a twenty to your panties.” You know, for the cab ride home.

Even though I hate the word “panties,” I nodded in agreement.

It’s a farfetched scenario, as I neither coach would care to take me on a date. I’m pretty sure they’re both married and I’m pretty sure they both hate not only the Longhorns, but Adventures of a Football Girl as well. I’m sure the loathing would be mutual if I were famous enough for them to know about me.

Eh.

God, punishing me for having such a mean plan, then made us lose the World Series to St. Louis.

And for that, I apologize.

The Angry Coach

It's the eve of the Red River Rivalry.  Yet I can't help myself: Gary Patterson is a crazy person.  After SMU beat TCU 40-33 at home in overtime, he completely lost his shit for the entire world to see. 

And it all started with June Jones saying one thing: "[TCU] they don't change, they do what they do and that's what good football teams do."  June says that he simply was trying to say that SMU wants to be more like TCU.

I've heard a lot worse things come out of players and coaches mouths, but for some reason, Patterson, who interpreted the statement as June saying the Frogs were "predictable," found this one of the most insulting and rude comment in football rivalry coach-speak history, and began a rant about how SMU is pretty much dead to him.

"I'm ANGRY GARY!"

"They shouldn't ask me at SMU about going into a conference, they shouldn't ask me about how they play, they shouldn't ask me about their players, they shouldn't ask me about anything because they're not getting any help, period, any more.  We've bent over backwards to make sure they can improve their program."

Of Jones, he said "They haven't changed much either," noting that SMU has only won the one game against him at TCU. 

Classy Gary. 

"SMU has had a lot of help from us over the last three or four years to improve their program.  I don't appreciate being treated the way it is; that's how we got reciprocated.  We're going to go on about our business, but they're not going to get the same help anymore -- not about a ballgame, not about conferences, not about anybody.  They're getting no help from Gary Patterson, period."

I like how in this grammatcially tragic quote, he starts to go all George Costanza and talk about himself in third person....but only after calling out the Alumni and saying they have "a certain feeling about SMU" and that he's "starting to get it" too.

I think if anything should have made him mad, it should be the fact that SMU has announced a ticket deal for the rest of the home games...new pricing is $40.33.

"I'm ANGRY BO!"

Of course, there's also his complete lack of speech awareness regarding the referees, who he feel blew the FIRST BIG CALL OF THE GAME and caused TCU to lose.  Uh, if you have a bad call on the first drive, shouldn't you have lots of time to fix the problem before the game is over?  Wait!   Didn't you have EXTRA TIME?  Really Gary? 

Did you learn anything watching ol' Bo at Nebraska?  Refs don't like it when you say stuff like that.  And they remember.  Oh, wait!  He's got that covered! "I got their names. They won't come back in this staduim ever again."

Wow, Patty. Those are some pretty strong words. I can't wait until next time they come to ref in your staduim to see what happens. I would enjoy a nice TCU forefeit.

I don't know why I'm suprised.  Nine out of the ten times Gary talks about a game, he blames the loss on someone else.   I guess the refs got it this week.  Don't feel bad refs, he's just looking for this week's scapegoat.  Laughably, Gary said he "had a hard time with people that don't admit they made mistakes.  I've got to do it all the time."   Ha, that's funny Gary.  Usually it's other people making mistakes and you calling them out on it.

Initially, Patterson said he had chosen not to critisize the crew's officiating, but did mention that they were from C-USA.  But Gary couldn't let it go.  He feels it's his job to make his thoughts public and that he wasn't going to let this "go away." 

Of course, now that TCU has an offer from the Big XII in their pockets, they may never have to play a C-USA team again.   And I'll have new conference team to replace the Ags that I despise. 

Sorry to hate on you, Gary, but once again you've shifted the blame for your loss off on someone else.  I don't like it or respect it.  Why did you lose to Baylor, Gary?  Well, if you ask him, they knew that Baylor was prone to a tricky little backwards pass "But Jason [Verrett], again, a young corner, a new corner was in man coverage, and he was supposed to stay with the guy going vertical and he jumped the bubble and he was supposed to be on the guy."

Gotcha.

You claim you want to play Big Boy Teams and in a Big Boy League?  Then put your Big Boy Pants on and start manning up as a coach by taking some responsibility for your team.