Friday, October 28, 2011

The Golden Tot

It was a good day. It was Byron Nelson Friday and the Mavs had just secured a spot in the NBA finals, where a rematch agains the Miami Heat was looming.

While Debra and I were waiting for Kacie to arrive before heading out for a day at the Pavillion, I tentatively asked Debra if she wanted to go try to buy Mavericks tickets in the morning, since they were having a lottery. "Sure," she said. "What time?" Uh, this was the part I wanted to fluff over. "Well, they start giving lottery tickets at 8:30 am, so maybe leave at 7ish?" She made a face for just a split second before nodding and saying "ok..."

When Kacie arrived, I played the same game on her, expecting much different results...Kacie is not a big fan of lines, crowds or time wasting. She agreed right away, so I took the "yes" and broke the news about the starting time. Her eyes glazed over a little, but she didn't falter.

Off to the Byron Nelson we went. It was a long day on the links, so on the way home, we stopped at Sonic, where we ordered a ridiculous amount of food and a couple of "drink buddies," which is some kind of toy that sits on the edge of your drink. I don't know why. We must have sounded a little stupid..."I'll take a monkey, a pineapple guy and .... another monkey." We didn't know they came randomly in packs of three.

The Golden Tot
When we got home, we broke open the food and drink buddies. I think we ended up with nine of them, which is ridiculous. Whilst sorting our food and buddies, I found my pineapple guy. But it wasn't a pineapple guy. It was a Tot. As in Tater.

Kacie noticed that among our new friends there was a very special drink buddy. All wrapped up in separate packaging, he came with a small insert. “Congratulations," it read. "You have found the Golden Tot. The Golden Tot is the rarest and most valuable of all the drink buddies." 

I, of course, was extraordinarily excited to have found the rarest of all the drink buddies. I immediately knew The Tot was destined for good fortune, and that I would be along for the ride!

We had agreed to meet at my apartment at 7:30 to get to the arena. Not wanting to be pushy, I was careful not to bother the ladies all morning to make sure they were up and on their way. Kacie arrived and we waited for Debra.

When Debra arrived she clearly had woken up and left her house in a matter of minutes. She was wearing a strange Disney shirt from the 90’s, which Kacie and I just could not let go. We interrogated her endlessly about how she ended up wearing it. “It was the first thing in the drawer!” she said. We found this bizarre, as normally the things on the top of the drawer were the things most recently worn.

As we arrived at the American Airlines Center, still all atwitter about the Disney shirt, we realized what we were in for. After parking, we began the long trot to the end of the line…around the parking garage, back up the street across the street…all the way up the Katy Trail. It was quite the scene.

We got in line at 8:23 am, and it continued to grow behind us. I understand that there ended up being about 5,000 people who showed up to get lottery tickets, and the line was just under a mile long.

At that point, we pretty much felt it was hopeless. We were a little unclear on how the lottery worked and there were so many people that it pretty much seemed impossible that we would have the chance to buy tickets, since there was an rumor going around that only about the first 50 lottery winners would be able to get tickets. So….1% of us then…

As we waited for the lottery tickets to be handed out, our spirits were pretty high. Regardless of whether we won, it was a fun thing to do, being down there with all the fans, trying to be a part of something big.

It was then that I pulled from my pocket our lucky charm. The Golden Tot. I knew he was lucky. I knew he was destined for greatness. The Golden Tot was going to help us win that ticket lottery…and the Championship.

We started to perk up. Debra at some point decided if we won the chance to buy tickets, she was going to upgrade her Longhorn tattoo to include “Texas Forever.” It’s one of those things you say, when there’s a slim chance it might happen and a slim chance you might have done it anyway.

They started handing out the tickets at 8:30 am and kept handing them out until they were gone. There were two sets of tickets, red ones starting at the very beginning of the line and blue ones starting about halfway up the line. We got ours (Blue: #259051, #259052 & 259053) then anxiously waited for what came next.

Once all the tickets were distributed, we were herded back over to the front of the arena and crammed into a parking lot where they were going to do the drawing. So here we were, 5,000 people in a parking lot.

While waiting for them to draw, we tried to figure out how it was going to work. It was too much mass chaos to draw number after number, so we learned that the drawing would be set up so a single ticket was drawn and that lottery ticket holder would then become the first person in the line to buy tickets. For example, if lottery ticket # 250 was drawn, that person would be first in line. Lottery ticket holder #251 would be second, and so on.

While we were waiting, a lady who was there with her daughter, tried to convince Kacie to trade tickets with her, so that there would be a better chance of winning a spot in line. To which Kacie responded “But what if mine is the winner…?”

We rubbed and kissed The Golden Tot for luck as they drew the winning lottery ticket. Because the lottery itself was so poorly executed, no one could hear Guy on Bullhorn who announced the number. The fans, all crammed together in a small space started getting anxious and pushy.

Debra, Kacie and I began to feel fear. We wanted this ordeal to be over. As the lucky number started to trickle through the masses, we struggled to hear it. What was it? 259…something.

WHAT IS IT?!

259147 is the number we were hearing, which was a total bummer, since it was about 100 people behind us in the line.

But then, we starting hearing what sounded like 259014. Our ears perked up, as that gave us a slim chance of ticket purchase.

WHAT IS IT?!

It was at this point of hopeful hysteria that I heard it: 259047. Then I heard it again. And again. A shot of motherly adrenaline surged through me. I grabbed Kacie and Debra and firmly pulled them through the crowd, where I found an official looking man.

“What is the ticket number?” I asked.
“259047.”

My mind went into overdrive and I did remedial calculations. Just before completely flipping out, I asked one more question:
Me with lucky ticket
#459051 and The Tot

“Red or Blue?”

“Blue.” He confirmed.

Oh My God. We Did It.

I’m not even sure the girls knew what was happening as I grabbed back ahold of them and started pushing my way to the ticket window. We passed through a set of barricades and there we were:

5th, 6th & 7th out of 5,000 people, in line to buy tickets.

You can imagine what happened in the next few minutes. People lined the barricades pelting us with requests. One man offered Kacie $300 for her lottery ticket. Others were asking us to buy tickets for them. People wanted those tickets. Real bad.

One couple just jumped the barricade and cut into the line about 10 people back.  When the people they cut in front of summoned security, the couple became indignant, saying that they had camped out the night before, and it's not fair that people who arrived at 8:30 were getting tickets.  Uh, lady, it's a lottery.  That's the point...

Kacie, Debra and I, at that moment, mostly felt shock, but we were terribly excited. We were giggling, repeating that we couldn’t believe what had transpired over the last two hours. What are the chances?! How did this happen?! Over and over, I kept saying it was The Tot. The Golden Tot.

We replayed the morning in our minds: If Debra had stopped to find a less ridiculous T-shirt, we wouldn’t have won. If we had gone earlier, like originally suggested, we wouldn’t have won. If I had made us stop for a sausage McMuffin, we wouldn’t have won. We didn’t dare speculate what would have happened if he hadn’t gone to Sonic, where we acquired The Golden Tot.

Debra, Kacie and I made it to the
big boy line.
It was a great moment.  

The ticket windows finally opened, and within minutes we had secured tickets to the first two games of the NBA finals. It would be less than half an hour before the games were sold out.

All was right with the world.

With the tickets securely in our purses, clutched securely in our arms, we realized we now had to trapse through a crowd of angry, tired, ticketless fans with thousands of dollars worth of tickets on us.

We asked for a policeman to take us back to the car. They said they were too busy. This was upsetting, but we thought we could make it. I think we ran the last few steps, got inside and locked the doors.
Our Loot.

We spread out our booty on the console. It was beautiful.
  
Once slightly calm and collected, we stopped at a gas station for caffeine and actual lottery tickets. We texted and called our family and friends. No one was near the level of excited we expected them to be. “Um, hello people! We were a part of a 1% today! It’s a big deal!” To this day, I can't get anyone to understand how unlikely and amazing it was.  But that's okay.

Me, Kacie and the Terry Tot.
Of course, I couldn’t let it go that I felt The Tot was directly related to our luck. I wanted to take no chances with my lucky charm, so I strung him up on a chain and wore him as a necklace as I watched each game. Sometimes I dressed him up like Jason Terry and called him the Terry Tot.

The rest of the story, you already know (well, except the part where Debra and I stalked tattoo parlors all over Addison that morning until we found an open one to fulfill her “Texas Forever” promise). The Mavs won their first NBA Title against Miami in game six. It was redemption for 2006, and for everyone that said Dirk wasn’t a big-game player and for everyone that said the Mavs were too old and too rag-tag. It was a great time for the city of Dallas and the Mavericks. Dirk, Cuban and Kidd could pretty much bring me to tears at any moment in the week that followed.

I know that probably Rick Carlisle and the boys did all the hard work. But I can’t help wonder how it all would have played out….without The Golden Tot.

The Golden Tot, doing what a drink buddy does best.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

The T-Shirt Fan

I’ve recently been accused of being a T-Shirt Fan. I find this comical, as anyone that knows a smidgen about me knows that in the case of University of Texas Football I am not, by it's standard, derogatory definition, a T-Shirt Fan.

Urban Dictionary (yes, a reliable source indeed) states the following definition of a T-Shirt Fan:

Anyone who claims they are a "fan" of a particular sports team, even though they had no prior support for/interest in the team until that team started winning.

Laughable, I know. Particularly considering that my father, sister and I all went to UT and that my mom grew up in Austin, where my grandparents still live.

To further dispel the myth, had said hater actually read more of my posts than just the one he disagreed with, he would know that I’ve been to 149 of the last 172 Longhorn football games. That’s a time frame that spans well before and well after the Longhorns have been considered ‘winners’.... 

In fact, when I lay out my tickets from games I’ve attended over the last 13 years in a single layer, they cover almost exactly, my queen sized bed. This does not include the tickets I used to make this purse:


Still, tired of me talking about how offended I was, my sister has asked that I please reconsider my indignation at being called a t-shirt fan, making the point that I might actually be one.

So, I thought about it. Turns out the Haters are right.

I am a T-shirt Fan.

In my current possession, I have 104 pieces University of Texas clothing:

  4    Dresses
13    Non-Orange Any Day Tees
  1    Terrible Ed Hardy Looking Tee
20    Orange Any Day Tees
 7     Work Appropriate Orange Shirts
 2     Jerseys
 4     Orange Tank Tops 
 3     Orange Sleeveless Shirts 
 3     Fancy Orange Shirts 
 3     Pajamas 
 4     Jackets 
 6     Sweatshirts 
 4     Shorts
29    Game/Opposing Team Specific Tees

This does not include the countless shirts that have been unintentionally lost or destroyed over the years.

(Side note: In fact, there’s one shirt that I lost at some point in the mid 2000’s, for which I grieve the loss. My beloved Major Applewhite shirt, that I got in 1999, is gone forever. A perfect tribute to my favorite Texas player of all time, it was burnt orange with a big white apple in the middle, upon which was an orange longhorn. It was amazing, and I miss it dearly. I have scoured the interwebs for years looking for a replacement. In fact, I talk about my love for and sadness over the loss of this shirt so much, that when Debra randomly saw someone wearing one on the street, she tried to buy it literally off their back. I applaud the effort, but appreciate that I too, feel there would be no price high enough to make me want to part for that shirt. It was kind of like this, except not really at all.  Actually, never mind.  Erase this from your mind.  It pretty much just makes me sad.)

Aaaand, let’s dial down the crazy. Back to the T-shirt fan, thing….

I also have many non-clothing University of Texas items from over the years:

 1     Sunglasses
 3     Watches
 3     Pairs of Shoes
 9     Orange Ballcaps
 8     Non-Orange Ballcaps
 3     Pairs of Socks
 3     Pairs of Gloves
 4     Ski/Winter Hats
 5     Scarves
 5     Purses
 4     Wallets
 1     Pairs of Slippers
 1     Umbrellas
 1     Aprons
 3     Suitcases
 4     Headbands
18    Books
 1     Ammunition Saddlebag
 6     Mugs
 6     Blankets
 4     Coolers

Additionally, my camping tent and sleeping bag are burnt orange. As is the entire west wall of my apartment.

Of course, I always have my 'Horns with me...on my left hip...where I paid the tattoo artist to put it.

So after giving it some thought, no longer am I ashamed to be called a T-shirt fan! Bring it on. I’m proud to wear my colors any day of the week.

Win or lose, T-shirts are comfy.

And I look fabulous in burnt orange.  Even Mack thinks so!




Friday, October 07, 2011

The Pre-Game Post

Red River Rivalry Fun Facts:

* Both Texas and Oklahoma have been ranked in the Top 25 going into 60 out of 66 Red River Rivalries since 1945.

* I have been to every Red River Rivalry since 1998.

* The DMN ran a poll of 119 Division IA coaches, and the Red River Rivalry game came out on top as the Top Rivalry Game in college football, with Ohio State/Michigan and Army/Navy close behind.

* The Cotton Bowl is split down the 50 yard line, with Oklahoma fans on the South side and Texas fans on the North side.

* It is not a good idea to try to take the DART Rail to the game.  Just don't do it.

* The Cotton Bowl was chosen for the game because it is halfway between Austin and Norman....though technically Norman is closer (188 miles) than Austin (195 miles).

* Six of the last 10 games have resulted in one of the teams advancing to the BCS Championship Game.

* Texas leads the all-time series 59-41-5.

* In 2007, the schools were given the option to rotate the North/South split every other year.  Texas declined in 2007, 2009 & 2011.

* It's lame that I have to keep calling it the Red River Rivalry.  The Red River Shootout is much more fun but apparently too violent.

* Big Tex made his debut at the 1952 State Fair of Texas. Wearing size 70 boots and a 75-gallon hat, Tex stands 52 feet above fair visitors.

* The Red River Rivalry has been played at the Cotton Bowl during the Texas State fair since 1932.

* There is only one tunnel leading to the stadiums that both teams share, located in the South Endzone.

* The winning team gets to keep the Golden Hat, a trophy make from a bronzed ten-gallon hat.

* In the Stoops/Brown era, Oklahoma leads the series 7-5

* When I try to say Red River Rivalry out loud, I sound drunk.

* It's 2001.  And OU Still Sucks.

*  Fletcher's sells appoximately half a million Corny Dogs at the state fair each year.





The Spelling Bee

Here Are Some Things You Can't Spell Without OU:

Beat OU
Douchebag
(censored - I would never say that about my mother....)
So Ugly
No Soup for You
Lousy
(censored - and I'm not talking about a cake...)
OU Sucks
Ridiculous
Cool Mullet!
Foul
Obnoxious
Loudmouth
Pout
Scrotum
I don't know this guy.  But I do have a picture with him...

The Perception of Reality: Addendum A

I don't care how many times they said "perception is reality" on Most Eligible Dallas this week.  Clearly, they had just read my blog and they copy me.

It's cool.  I mean, I am DFW's Most Valuable Sports Blogger.


The Angry Coach

It's the eve of the Red River Rivalry.  Yet I can't help myself: Gary Patterson is a crazy person.  After SMU beat TCU 40-33 at home in overtime, he completely lost his shit for the entire world to see. 

And it all started with June Jones saying one thing: "[TCU] they don't change, they do what they do and that's what good football teams do."  June says that he simply was trying to say that SMU wants to be more like TCU.

I've heard a lot worse things come out of players and coaches mouths, but for some reason, Patterson, who interpreted the statement as June saying the Frogs were "predictable," found this one of the most insulting and rude comment in football rivalry coach-speak history, and began a rant about how SMU is pretty much dead to him.
"I'm ANGRY GARY!"

"They shouldn't ask me at SMU about going into a conference, they shouldn't ask me about how they play, they shouldn't ask me about their players, they shouldn't ask me about anything because they're not getting any help, period, any more.  We've bent over backwards to make sure they can improve their program."

Of Jones, he said "They haven't changed much either," noting that SMU has only won the one game against him at TCU. 
Classy Gary. 

"SMU has had a lot of help from us over the last three or four years to improve their program.  I don't appreciate being treated the way it is; that's how we got reciprocated.  We're going to go on about our business, but they're not going to get the same help anymore -- not about a ballgame, not about conferences, not about anybody.  They're getting no help from Gary Patterson, period."

I like how in this grammatcially tragic quote, he starts to go all George Costanza and talk about himself in third person....but only after calling out the Alumni and saying they have "a certain feeling about SMU" and that he's "starting to get it" too.

I think if anything should have made him mad, it should be the fact that SMU has announced a ticket deal for the rest of the home games...new pricing is $40.33.

"I'm ANGRY BO!"
Of course, there's also his complete lack of speech awareness regarding the referees, who he feel blew the FIRST BIG CALL OF THE GAME and caused TCU to lose.  Uh, if you have a bad call on the first drive, shouldn't you have lots of time to fix the problem before the game is over?  Wait!   Didn't you have EXTRA TIME?  Really Gary? 

Did you learn anything watching ol' Bo at Nebraska?  Refs don't like it when you say stuff like that.  And they remember.  Oh, wait!  He's got that covered! "I got their names. They won't come back in this staduim ever again."

Wow, Patty. Those are some pretty strong words. I can't wait until next time they come to ref in your staduim to see what happens. I would enjoy a nice TCU forefeit.

I don't know why I'm suprised.  Nine out of the ten times Gary talks about a game, he blames the loss on someone else.   I guess the refs got it this week.  Don't feel bad refs, he's just looking for this week's scapegoat.  Laughably, Gary said he "had a hard time with people that don't admit they made mistakes.  I've got to do it all the time."   Ha, that's funny Gary.  Usually it's other people making mistakes and you calling them out on it.

Initially, Patterson said he had chosen not to critisize the crew's officiating, but did mention that they were from C-USA.  But Gary couldn't let it go.  He feels it's his job to make his thoughts public and that he wasn't going to let this "go away." 

Of course, now that TCU has an offer from the Big XII in their pockets, they may never have to play a C-USA team again.   And I'll have new conference team to replace the Ags that I despise. 

Sorry to hate on you, Gary, but once again you've shifted the blame for your loss off on someone else.  I don't like it or respect it.  Why did you lose to Baylor, Gary?  Well, if you ask him, they knew that Baylor was prone to a tricky little backwards pass "But Jason [Verrett], again, a young corner, a new corner was in man coverage, and he was supposed to stay with the guy going vertical and he jumped the bubble and he was supposed to be on the guy."

Gotcha.

You claim you want to play Big Boy Teams and in a Big Boy League?  Then put your Big Boy Pants on and start manning up as a coach by taking some responsibility for your team. 


Wednesday, October 05, 2011

The Cyclones

We had a really great time in Ames for the Texas/Iowa State game. Last year, the Cyclones beat us. At home. For the first time ever. We knew they were pumped up to play. We hope the Longhorns were too.

When we got to Ames, we hit the local college bar scene to catch the Texas A&M/ Arkansas game before heading to the stadium.

Here's the problem. It was 11:00 am on game day and we could not find a) an open bar or b) a place to park. We managed to solve both problems at once....as we rolled in to a 10 hour metered lot ($0.25 and hour?! In!) we saw a pair of Longhorns walking out. We rolled down the window and scared them by asking what bars were open. Once they realized we were friendly, they gave us a quarter to get our meter started and told us about a bar around the corner that was open.
I call them Gremlins!
We parked and were making our way to Es Tasas when I heard "Beth!" Since I was in Ames, Iowa, I assumed I was not being addressed. "Beth!" I heard it again. Slowly turning my head, I see "HeadButt" and his wife, along with a few of our other friends in a mini-van. Weird. After giving them parking instructions and pointing to the bar we were tracking, we quickly went from a small group of three girls to a herd of Longhorns, a dozen strong. 
 
Once in the bar, we located the A&M game and began to wait for the meltdown. At halftime, the Aggies were up 18.  Don't get too excited for them, though.  They blew the lead and lost to Arkansas.  After the previous week's failure against Oklahoma State, we were not surprised.  I guess we're not nice people:  we made sure "Gangsta's Paradise" was playing on the jukebox as time ran out on the Aggies.  Then we began a rousing chorus of the Aggie War Hymn, topped off with an obnoxious chant of "SEC! SEC! SEC!"

 Did I mention we'd had a few shots?  Dirty Girl Scout Cookies (thin mint in a shot) and Gremlins (these were just some kind of green thing)...Yum.

After the A&M game, we took cars back toward Jack Trice Stadium then began a very long walk to find a tailgate.  Along the way we saw some really interesting stuff.  There were lots of hideous yellow and red overalls, several "Cyclone Buses" and the most amazing game ever: Tailgate Jacks.  It's exactly what you'd think it was...a giant set of jacks made from PVC pipery and a foursquare ball.  Teams of two bounce and scoop.  Most fun.

Tailgate Jacks.  Amazing.
Eventually we made our way into the stadium.  Some points of note on the game:

1. The Longhorns looked pretty good.  Not great, not bad, just pretty good.  It was a fairly hostile environment - I'm pretty sure the Cyclones (or at least the Cyclone Fans) thought they were going to beat us again.  Last year's whipping at DKR was pretty awful, and the fact that no one is really talking about the 'Horns set up a recipe for success in the minds of the Iowa Statians.  With that being said....

2.  ...the Iowa State fans gave the refs a really hard time.  I've been to a lot of hostile stadiums before and I've seen a lot of teams and fans that really thought they were going to win, but this was over the top.  The fans booed pretty much every call.  They wouldn't even wait to see what the call was, they'd just boo it on spec.  One example of a two minute time frame.

Iowa State rushes the ball to the end zone, but appears to end up just short of the Touchdown.  Ref rules the ball on the one.  FAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOO!"

Time out is called so trainers can tend to an injured Iowa State player. FAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOO!"

Ref announces the play is under review.  FAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOO!"

Refs stand in the end zone discussing play. FAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOOO!" AND THROW WATER BOTTLES AT REFS.

Review is happeningFAN REACTION: CHANT "F#*& THE REFS!  F#*& THE REFS!"

Ref walks out to announce the review outcome.  FAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOO!"

Ref announces the previous play was actually an Iowa State touchdownFAN REACTION: YELL "BOOOO!"  PROCESS WHAT WAS SAID AND STOP "BOOING."   

Come on now people, let's get a little perspective.  One Cyclone made the comment (when Texas was up 34-0) that "If it wasn't for the f#*&ing refs, we'd be in this game."  The Longhorns happened to sack the ISU quarterback on the next play.  Yeah, maybe the refs aren't the problem.  Whatever the case, it seemed pretty much like the longest game ever and it was hard to stay focused, but I personally got my second wind when I saw on the jumbotron that....

3.  ...SMU beat TCU at Amon Carter Staduim.  Talk about making my day!!  Pony Up!  That makes two losses already this season to unranked teams for TCU.  I don't put much stock in rankings, especially considering....

4.  ...Texas somehow ended up ranked 10 & 11th in the polls.  That's a little too good for my taste, as I enjoy flying under the radar, but it does make for and interesting Red River Rivalry game coming up.  I heard College Gameday & Crew will be at the fair for this clash of the unbeatens.  Look for me in the food pavilion underneath the....

Sad CATI Flag...
5.  ...Come & Take It flag.  Deb, Kacie and I always forget to take a CATI flag on the road with us, so this trip we got clever and made on out of a pillow case and a sharpie.  Thanks to Kacie's masterful artwork, we pere armed at ISU with an amazing mini-CATI flag.  Courtesy of the Renaissance Inn.   FYI - a pillowcase makes a fabulous travel flag.  It is small, disposable if necessary and can be tied to a stick and filled hobo-style with....

6. ...corny-dogs.  I'll be eating many of them.  Saturday can't get here fast enough.








The Rainbow

This weekend we traveled to Ames, Iowa to watch the Texas Longhorns play the Iowa State Cyclones in Debra's last Big XII stadium.

We flew into and stayed in Des Moines for this trip. We flew American Eagle which meant we were on one of those tiny planes with a 1-aisle-2 seat configuration.

Now, I'm not a bad flyer...my Dad was a fighter pilot in the Air Force, we took planes all growing up - the theory of flying does not bother me. I don't get motion sickness or need drugs to calm me down on flights, but on the other hand, I'm usually uncomfortable and never can really sleep on planes, not matter how hungover or tired I may be.

(I am currently on the return flight of said trip, in the same kind of tiny plane. Even as I write, I am nervously eyeballing the nice man in the row behind me, as he is in the emergency exit aisle. I'm particularly concerned that when I jokingly asked him if he was going to save us all and muscle open the door he told me "Nah, I'm prone to panic." Uh, I know you're joking but it's only kind of funny. As a punishment, you will give me that sports section you're reading.)

Once we safely arrived in Des Moines, secured a rental car and made it to the hotel, we did the classic iPhone google map search "bar". The query returned about a dozen options all within walking distance, so we layered up in burnt-orange and hit the town. Once we got pointed in the right direction (I made us walk a few blocks out of the way because I wanted to avoid the hobo-rapist-park) it was a quick walk to the "hip" part of town.

The 'bars' we found were not really what we had in mind: Oyster bar - no. Bars on windows - no. Then we found it... The Fourth Down Sports Bar. It was one of those fun places where you have to go down steps to enter...like something you would encounter in Boston or New York. Once inside we knew we had made the right choice: Terry, the bartender, was born and raised in Texas and a big Longhorn Fan, and his girlfriend Ashley was awesome - the kind of girl we would want to hang out with at home - witty, sarcastic, quick and fun.

And fun we had. After food, shots and five hours of drinking, we ended up with a $40 tab. Turns out Terry really does like the Longhorns....and buying them shots!

Here's the deal about shots. Kacie, Debra and I are not the spring chickens we used to be. Gone are the days of mixing beer and liquor. Gone are the glory days of drinking every shot put within reach of the bar in front of us. These days, we have rules. When some poor schmuck says "can I buy you ladies a shot?" we will say "Yes! But it has to be a non-creamy-non-minty-non-tequila-non-blue-pussy-shot." Yes, we understand this seems high maintenance, but there's no coming back from taking a shot and throwing up on the bar or in your own purse. Please, just trust us on this.

While in The Fourth Down Sports Bar we were treated by Terry and other bar patrons to a plethora of shots, including new favorites Fireballs, which are a whiskey-cinnamon mix and Rainbows.

"What is a rainbow?" you ask. A Rainbow, my friend, is a feat of pure bar-tending magic and sorcery. Terry would load a shaker up with a variety of boozes, all carefully measured in a very particular order. He then lines up nine shot glasses and in one continuous pour, fills the first eight shot glass with a different colored shot. Okay, let me make sure you understand how amazing this is: one continuous pour from a single shaker produced eight different colored shots. In the ninth shot glass he poured goldschlager as a pot of gold. It was amazing. I couldn't help it but make "double rainbow" jokes such as "what does it mean?" and "it's so beautiful." Beautiful and delicious.

If you've done an away-game road trip you're probably familiar with the scenario where people feel the need to comment on your school affiliated shirt and ask these two questions:

1) Are you from Texas?

2) Are you here for the game?

Well, I'm in a rental car line at the airport, the day before a game, dragging luggage around with my two friends and we're all wearing Texas gear and cowboy boots. At least if you're out and about, say...in a bar, it's possible you're a local who happens to be a Texas fan, wearing your colors out before the game. It's possible. We decided before we headed out that we would play dumb. "What game?" "Texas?" Debra cracked within the first minute of getting to the bar. Eh, that was fun.

Additionally, being heckled comes along with the territory in these situations. This weekend, for example, we encountered "College Station Guy." College Station Guy went to A&M. He said he was "from College Station." Yet, he was wearing burnt-orange. I digress. Rather than fight with him, we asked him to tell us what it meant when we held our hands up to form a kind of WC gang sign. He had no idea. We told him to think about it, which I guess he did, since about three hours later he came up and said to us that they were going to "dedicate a special bonfire to [us] in Des Moines." I told him that sounded dangerous, and that Terry (the bartender) had told us they weren't allowed to have fire there. (That was true, he did say that, but he meant he couldn't set the bar or drinks on fire) Again College Station Guy insisted that there be a bonfire in our honor. So I loudly said to Terry, clueless to the actual conversation being held, "Terry, you said there was no fire allowed, right?" to which he agreed "no fire." In an effort to get rid of College Station Guy, we told him we wished the Aggies luck against Arkansas the next day. But that was a lie.

Then there was "Cyclone Guy." Cyclone guy usual roots for Texas, he tells us. "But tomorrow" he says, "I'll be doing this!" And, of course, this is the moment when he throws 'Horns Down. Very clever, you little tornado, you! I turned to him and asked "Why would you do that? It's just mean. You don't see us walking around doing this..." It is now that I execute a perfect cyclone by whirling my finger in the air. But wait! It was upside down. "What was that?" he asked me. "An upside down cyclone." "Yeah, that's just dumb," he says. "I know, right...?" I replied. Sadly, he couldn't make the connection.

Once the DJ finally shouted out Texas and played "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled we called it a night. We were exhausted by the nail-biting BYU win, and knew that Saturday was going to be a long day.

Thankfully, the walk back to the hotel was much shorter when we decided to walk through the hobo-rapist-park. As we waited for the ancient elevator, the other guest asked us "are you from Texas? Here for the game?"

Yes....